The Hard Truths Of Being A 30-Year-Old Bachelor

Flickr / Hamid Najafi
Flickr / Hamid Najafi

Being a bachelor at the age 30 is not just a coincidence. You will hear a lot of guys in this position claim “I just have not met the right person yet.” Bullshit, by the time you have reached the beginning of your fourth decade on this earth you have already met 95% of the people you will ever meet. Another excuse that men will give is that they are “not ready to settle down yet.” Well Fuckstick, you are now an actual adult and it is not an accident that everyone around you is getting married, having kids, and is not available to get drunk with you and watch Monday Night Football with you like they did in college. Often time’s 30 year old bachelors will blame all of the women in their lives, “I wasted all my time dating that whore” or “I thought I found the right one and she left me for no reason.” Wrong again dipshit. The reason that men are single as they approach middle age is nobody’s fault but their own. Realizing this as soon as possible will help you be able to either adjust appropriately or admit defeat and realize you are going to die alone in the nursing home.

At 30, you know longer have an abundance of situations to meet new people. When you were younger you would be forced to meet people whether you liked it or not. School you meet hundreds if not thousands of people before you even turn 18. Then you go off to college where you meet what seems like dozens of new people every day. Then you enter the workplace and depending on what type of profession you join you will meet a few dozen to a couple hundred more people. Fast Forward 6 years. Now you know everyone at work, you have met their families, and any social event you go to is more than likely 99% people you are familiar with. You might still go to the bars or nightclubs on weekends but that clearly has not worked in the past and let’s be serious, you are starting to be that creepy old dude who gets hammered on the weekends trying to bang random drunk chicks. Not only is that a horrible look to any potential suitor but also finding “The One” in a bar after failing for the past 10 years of being unsuccessful when it was actually a socially acceptable thing to do is exceedingly unlikely.

If you love going out, sleeping with random girls (that whether you want to admit it are increasingly more and more unattractive), and getting hammered like you were on spring break again then I got some news for you; you look pathetic. You may not be ready to settle down but if you keep it up the girl of your dreams will have already settled down with someone who actually realized that by 30 you should at least have started to get your shit together. Nobody wants to wake up at 35 and realize that the only thing left for them are divorcees with four kids or some lady who had the same lifestyle as you have for the past decade (women who live that type of lifestyle for that long age horribly).

By the age of 30 most men have been in at least a couple meaningful relationships. Every relationship is good reference on what works and what doesn’t. In theory, this would mean that you get better at dating with more experience. If you have constantly been in relationships that end for the same reason then you need to realize that “your type” is the wrong type. If you are constantly being cheated on, there is a reason for that. It could be a multitude of different things such as 1, you date whores. 2, you are not fulfilling the woman’s needs either physically, emotionally, or both. Although it sucks that it did happen, you are at least somewhat responsible for it happening. If you thought you had it all figured out and then got randomly got dumped out of nowhere that is definitely your fault. This happens when you either get too comfortable in a relationship and stop working at it or you are just not paying enough attention to see that your partner is not nearly as happy as you are.

Regardless of how you may have ended up in the position of being single and 30 one thing is for sure, you need to change something. With change it is very realistic that finding the right person for you will come from someone you already know and you will not have to go to extensive measures to find a match. If that is not an option there are many ways to meet new people even though you are now 30. You could join a gym, a networking group, or even try your hand at online dating. If you are still going out every weekend and partying like a frat boy, the only chance you have of actually finding a long term mate is if you are either rich or famous(in which case none of this applies and I agree with your choice to be a bachelor for as long as possible. Look what happened to Tiger Woods when he got married). I’m not saying you can’t go out and have fun, it’s just when you are 30 you should go about it differently. College bars and nightclubs are basically off limits. If you at 30 do not feel out of place in these places I can assure you that you are the only person that thinks you fit in. If you like Sports go to a sports bar, if music’s your thing go and see some live music (DJ’s do not count). No matter what you are into you can find a place more age appropriate to go then a packed club with people playing quarters at the bar with a dance floor filled with half naked women jumping up and down to Electronic Dance Music. Also, change the hours you go out. No longer should you be “closing the bar”. Instead of going out at 10:30 and staying until the lights come on try going out for dinner and going out for a few drinks after, be home by 11pm like the rest of the people your age.

When you look at your past dating history take your head out of your ass for a moment and try to think what you did wrong because there was definitely something. If you are still on speaking terms with one of your exes you could ask them a simple question; “although we didn’t work out, I was wondering what I did wrong in our relationship?” I would not recommend this if it ended because you cheated, that conversation would not end well. Although 30 by no means your twilight years, it is most definitely your adulthood. Part of being an adult is not only being able to admit and accept your faults but also being able to do something to fix them. One thing that I have learned in my 30 years of life is that relationships are forever evolving, either you are growing apart or growing together. In order to grow together it takes communication, sacrifice, effort, understanding and trust. If you are looking to grow apart….keep doing what you have been doing, good luck Fonzi. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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