I used to be the kind of girl who would fall head over heels in love with a person without hesitation, but a few failed relationships later I’m finally realizing that the girl I used to be is long gone.
In her place is a person that is so unsure of any guy that comes along and shows some form of interest. Is he being sincere? What if he gets to know me, the real me and decides he doesn’t like what he sees? What if he ends up being like the rest of them?
I fought hard against the idea of having feelings for someone, lying in an attempt to save myself from yet another devastating let down.
But at the end of the day you still managed to break through those barriers.
When I fell for you, I should have known that there was nothing anyone could have done to stop the whirlwind of emotions you left in your wake. Every smile, the smallest brush of your hand against mine; I should have known.
I have always been the type of person who could compartmentalize my emotions because it’s always been the easier way to go. I guess you could say that it’s a result of past relationships gone wrong, or you could call it cowardice.
But with you, there is an intensity that I’ve never felt before… and it’s terrifying.
There are no words to describe the feeling I get in my chest, or the overwhelming joy I get when a message lights up my screen. When you call me beautiful, even though no amount of explanations could ever make me see what you do.
All the silent promises I see in the depths of your eyes. The goose bumps that rise when your fingers run softly over my skin when we’re in bed. When you say that you love me for me, despite all my flaws; the genuine acceptance you have for who I am as a person.
I’m scared because I know you’re different, so goddamned different from the rest of them. You’re in a league of your own, one that I am so far out of and a part of me cannot believe that somehow, I got so lucky. Almost too lucky.
And because of that I’m terrified that I won’t be good enough.
I’m afraid that you’ll get sick of waiting around for me to work through my problems, or that I won’t be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved because I’m just way too broken. The petty arguments may just come down hard on the foundations we’ve built, and you’ll be done with me.
That maybe one day, you’ll wake up and decide that this relationship isn’t for you and I’ll be left picking up the pieces, wondering what I could have done differently. What I could have done to make you stay.
In the time we’ve been together you’ve shown me love unlike any other. If this is what unconditional love feels like then I never want to lose this feeling, as selfish as that seems.
So believe me when I say that I’ll try every day to make you feel as loved as I do, to be the person you can always count on. I promise to stick around when things get rough, instead of running in the opposite direction.
Believe me when I say that no matter how much this love scares me, I know that at the end of the day I will always choose happiness, I choose you… I choose us.
And despite all my fears, that’s never going to change.