If you’re seeing this it means my replies are now quicker than usual. We’ve come to a point where I tell you stories like my dreams and my uncontrollable gas. I now laugh at your old school jokes and let you eat my coveted blue M&Ms.
Be warned, I think I’m falling in love with you.
This is not a compliment. This is a warning.
If I fall in love with you which I know I am. I might not stop myself in my cravings to know the details of your life and I voluntarily share mine. I will lose control in everything that’s going on and permit my guts to tell me what to do.
This is revolting for me.
But we have reached an impasse and there is nothing I can do. Remember the time I value my personal space? Well now, I want you to be always there with me. Beside me.
You see the problem?
The comfortable walls I build for 5 years is rapidly crashing. I’ve implanted malicious thoughts in my mind that you will not be worth it and you have to remind me time and time again that, you are.I was perfectly fine with the hook-up culture, in fact before I met you I genuinely believe it was tailor fit for me. It was so easy to kid myself that love doesn’t exist.
Now, all I can think of is you and not your dick.
You know, there’s no turning back. You may be attracted to the nonchalant, confident, devil may care me.
But in reality, this is me. I’m an insecure girl who over-analyzes things and worries about every possible scenario in life.
You may not like this side of me. I will find ways to self-sabotage this because I’m scared. Scared, I may love you more than you love me.
Scared, that I’m thinking of another person other than myself. Scared, that I couldn’t have the luxury of killing myself anytime I wanted to because now, you’re here.
Scared, that I couldn’t fall asleep because every time I close my eyes all I can see is your face and every time I lay in bed all I can think of is your body next to mine and every time I look at myself all I can envision is us.
I’m scared. Nobody actually sticked around this long to see the real me. I will end this. I will find ways to end us.
And I may not be worth it.
But please stay.
I will push you.
But these are my demons pushing you, don’t worry about them. They’re actually nice. You have to be at ease with them.
Know my fears. But don’t act like you can make them disappear.
Just accept them and stay.
I cannot promise you I’ll be better. I might even be worse.
But I promise you, I’ll be here breathing beside you.
If you can just stay.
So…let this be warning.
I’m falling in love with you.