For My First Love On His Birthday

Dear gorgeous, funny individual,

I want to tell you that I no longer feel any bitterness towards you, for I know what we had was real. Our love wasn’t easy, as issues and misunderstandings arose along the way, but I know for the fact that it was as genuine as the connection we once had.

We had our ups and downs of moments that are now memories I will forever be grateful for.

I have always felt a strong connection between us. To be honest, there were times I couldn’t help but miss the little fragments of you and me—the way we gazed at each other before our lips slowly formed into a smile, the way you carried and held me in your warm and tight embrace, the way we passionately kissed like there was no tomorrow. Do you remember the times you would send a car to my place late at night? Then I would sneak out so I could come over to your house while you were waiting for me at your front door. It sure did feel like I was coming home. I knew from that moment that what I was feeling for you was indeed love because it felt right. It felt like I could do anything in the world.

Do you remember our dessert and dinner dates, as well as the times I would write a cute little note on the box of the french pastries I would give to you? Like you said, “The joy I felt from seeing you was unmatched by any other,” and so did I. There were also times we didn’t get along, but I always found myself forgiving you despite how hurtful you were. Perhaps it’s just who I am, or my love for you was bigger than any of the mistakes you ever made. But I know I wasn’t perfect either, so I want to thank you for being a good listener to me, as well as being patient and understanding. After all, we were truly there for each other.

Come to think of it, your birthday is coming up. Do you remember how we celebrated your 19th birthday? I can still relive the night, how joyful we were. I came over to your house an hour before the clock struck midnight with an ice cream cake, a book of my handwritten poems for you, and a few pairs of Super Mario socks. It sure felt like New Year’s Eve. Celebrating a birthday of a special someone with just the two of us was something I haven’t done before, which made that night beyond magical. I’m grateful you chose to celebrate your birthday with me. This year may be far different from it was a year ago, but I still have the same wish for you—I wish you happiness.

Happy 20th birthday, gorgeous, funny individual.

It’s been a long time since we last spoke to each other. It no longer bothers me because I have finally moved on. I know there’s nothing good that would come out of it. Most importantly, I know that no contact is for the best because it gave me the peace I was longing for. I found peace in your absence. But most of all, I found myself.

I hope you learned from me as much as I learned from you. I hope I made an impact on your life that will help you grow wonderfully into the person you’re destined to become. I hope you learn to acknowledge your mistakes instead of pinning the blame onto others, because that’s how you grow. Several years from now, if you ever think of me, I want you to remember me as the woman who gave you the gift of selflessness, kindness, and understanding.

It’s been almost a year since we parted ways when I moved away to the other end of the country. Never have I imagined how painful goodbyes were until it was time for me to go. It felt like I was bidding goodbye to someone I may never see again. But hey, somewhere in the future, I wonder how it would be like if we did meet again. Until then, I wish you well.

About the author
I write to inspire. Writing makes me feel alive Read more articles from Francelle on Thought Catalog.

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