I’m sitting here with a cinnamon face mask sinking into my pores, looking like the sexiest orange while my partner is in the kitchen making his kid’s dinner. You know what? I am feeling sensual. Running my fingers through my hair, struggling to see because you can’t wear glasses and do self-care at the same time, but I’m feeling sensual as hell.
I started researching the definition of sensuality: The enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual pleasure.
I like to examine research and question what we are telling ourselves. What I stumble across is that sensuality is heavily revolved around sex, sexual intimacy, and sharing intimacy with another person. Well, I’m not doing any of those things, which made me question my findings.
I would describe a sensual being as someone that is connected with themselves and can connect with other things outside of themselves to experience pleasure, and this doesn’t have to be sexual. Personally, it resonates more towards the expression of self-love and the confidence to self-explore.
When talking about sensuality, it is important to explore our sexual side and views towards intimacy. Whenever opening this conversation, there is going to be some self searching that needs to be done.
What is my mindset on sensuality?
How do I feel about my body?
How do I feel about pleasure?
What are the messages I received growing up about sex and pleasure?
What messages have I received as a woman to my right to sexual pleasure?
It will take a long while to process—a lot of these aspects shape our views on sensuality. I invite you to open these questions into your life. They have a very powerful impact on how we feel and behave in our sensuality.
Feeling guilty about putting yourself first is a very heavy feeling that a lot of us hold, especially involving partnerships, children, and religious beliefs. Many women can relate to this, as they put everyone else first and not themselves. My question to you is: What is your relationship with pleasure? Do you truly give yourself permission to fully just be and enjoy pleasure? Allowing this into your life is a very powerful way of being.
So how do we explore sensuality? Decide to be your own guiding force.
Be with what is. Give yourself compassion. As we dive into this, I will be honest in that it may bring up a lot of anxiety or guilt for some. This is not an easy topic, so please allow yourself permission to struggle.
Pleasure does not always revolve around sex and isn’t defined by the intimacy you share with others. My advice is starting within. Sensuality is exploring yourself first; being confident in your sensuality is understanding what you want and allowing yourself to receive it.
Sensuality can infuse the whole life. It includes things like the excitement and sense of physical well-being that comes from walking in the country when autumn leaves are falling in crisp air, gold, scarlet and rust. A baby hungrily seeking the nipple, finding it and latching on in utter contentment. Sitting holding hands with a lover or not touching at all on an evening when frost and snow have landed you together in the warmth indoors.
Connection can come from within. You can find this through dance as you feel the music run through your body as your feet skim the floor. In expression of writing as your thoughts run down your hands and fingers through the pen onto paper.
Touch your body. Enhance it with oils such as clary sage, jasmine, neroli, rose and sandalwood, which can be applied to your bath and hands, alleviating symptoms such as depression, stress and anxiety. Simply running your fingers across your arm can bring you connection.
Being your own guiding force is self-exploration. Explore your pleasures and notice what feels good. Start small. If you enjoy your morning coffee, make yourself the most hot, creamy coffee every morning. Sit within your being and watch your children run wild or the sun rise outside your window.
Deciding to be your own guiding force is to allow yourself space to nurture your being. Explore who you are. Well-being is up to the individual and your pleasures are valuable. Be your own guiding force and love thy self!