I am not ashamed to say that yesterday
I cried so much that I woke up with
swollen eyes. I am not ashamed to say
I screamed in my car at stoplights
then kept driving quietly through
the world. it is always surprising
how still things can be even when
you’re falling apart.
forgiveness is another way of saying
that something didn’t happen
and I refuse to give that to you.
if I have to drag the weight
of all the worst things you ever did
behind me everywhere I go
then you do, too.
the good news is I survived knowing you.
the bad news is you were something
I had to survive.