Love scares me because it’s real.
It scares me because I know it’s full of pain, hurt, and sacrifices, and yet everyone wants to have it. I see it in my friends when they get heartbroken and cry over a guy. I see how devastated they feel, the agony of breakups, and the process of moving on and letting go. It scares me because even after all the pain they felt, they still choose to love and then the cycle starts all over again. It’s as if they haven’t learned their lessons.
It scares me because I learn my lessons from their experiences and it leaves on a stigma every time. I don’t understand the concept of loving without hurting. Can’t you just love and be happy without all these terrible consequences coming your way? Is self-love not enough?
I’m scared of heights so I’m scared of falling, and as from what I’ve seen, loving someone requires just that and I don’t think I can do that. I don’t know if I’m capable of baring my soul to someone. I don’t know if I can be someone’s idea of love either, because I run away from things that I don’t understand. Because why give myself confusion that could turn my life in shambles when I can just sit back and do something I want that could give me peace and calmness?
Romantic love is such a huge, complex thing. It’s not the kind of love I feel for my dog. It’s not the kind of love I feel for my books. It’s not the kind of love I feel for my family or friends. They are the closest people to me and they still don’t know me like I know myself and that alone makes me doubt that I’d meet someone who will.
Love…it’s something more, and that “more” scares the living daylights out of me because I don’t know what that is, because that more is what makes someone stay by your side even when you’re being difficult. That “more” is what makes someone choose your complexity over something hassle-free and simple. It’s what makes you deserving of love. And whatever that is, I don’t think I have it.
And these are the reasons why I think that love is scary.