Dealing with a break up is anything but easy. It’s one of those few things that pretty much every human will go through at some point in life. It’s a tax that life charges us and we all need to pay up. Yet, when we go through it, we can’t help but feel like we’re the only person in the world who has ever had a broken, heavy heart. Time does its part and we heal, eventually. We even learn to smile at the thought of that person and although we probably wouldn’t want to see them ever again, that distant memory isn’t bothersome. Before time does its thing, though, we grieve and the people who love us watch us while we do it. Many of them try to be supportive and some succeed. Others fail, miserably. And so, while we deal with the pain of losing love and gaining weight -because we’ve decided that drowning our sorrows in spoons full of Nutella and swigs of vodka are the only two viable ways to keep our eyes from tearing- we also have to deal with the insensitive crap that most of our friends say to try to make us feel better. Don’t take it personally. Not everyone is good with words. Not everyone is an empath. This list is for people who don’t know what to say when these things happen. Steer clear of these, my wee ones, and remember that sometimes a hug in silence is worth more than 1,000 words.
1. They were an asshole.
That’s why they broke up. Please don’t state the obvious.
2. There are other fish in the sea!
Painfully cliché. Just don’t.
3. You’ll find someone soon.
My ex-best friend said this to me once. It came accompanied with a head tilt and puppy eyes. Every fiber in my being fought to not smack her in the face. A person with a broken heart doesn’t need for you to feel sorry for them. They need support and help finding clarity. They need to cry and they need to wonder where things went wrong. Let them wonder aloud and just listen to them.
4. Maybe they will come back.
No! Don’t say this to a person with a broken heart. Of course, they want for them to come back. Of course, they’d love it if this was just a bad dream and tomorrow they could wake up and go back to normalcy, but it’s likely that it won’t happen. Don’t feed into false hope.
5. That’s how relationships work these days.
It’s true that millennials have ruined many things, but love is not one of them. Do not blame the length of a relationship on the fact that the internet is used for everything these days. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Comments like these make people sound ignorant.
6. Did you ever give them nudes? Those may get out. Are you worried?
Yes, they probably gave them nudes. You worrying about whether or not private pictures will get out doesn’t help.
7. I can’t believe it. You two looked so happy.
Reminding the broken-hearted about how great they looked with their ex is a low blow. Don’t rub it in. They are very conscious of the fact that they were happy before all of this happened, they are also very much in disbelief, just like you are.
8. You just need to sleep with someone new.
Many people resort to rebounds after ending a relationship and that’s ok. However, please don’t make it seem like sex with someone new can erase the sadness that comes with a breakup. Do not belittle this person’s feelings to something as simple as boning. It’s not that easy to forget someone.
9. I heard they’re with someone new.
Getting rejected by the person you love because they’re with someone else is probably one of the worst things that can happen to you in a relationship. Getting over this rejection is not easy. If you found out that your friend’s ex is with someone new, don’t bring it up. They know and do not need to be reminded.
10. Everything happens for a reason.
While this is true, it’s not the most comforting. Life has a way of arranging and rearranging things, everyone knows this. A broken heart needs sympathy and compassion. Saying this is like putting a band-aid on a stab wound; it’s just not enough.