8 Thoughts You Have When You’re Not Truly In Love

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You are, for the most part, content with this human. You go on dates, have decent sex and do all the couple-y crap that you’re supposed to do, but your mind wanders often. It goes to dark places that make you doubt if you really love them. It’s completely normal. We’ve all been there, but there’s always that pivotal moment in the relationship that helps you define, once and for all, if you love that person or not. Our selfish human nature gets the best of us sometimes, and we prolong relationships way more than we should. You see, our good friends convenience and familiarity brainwash us into thinking that perhaps this is it. This is as good as it’ll ever get and we fail to think about how horrible it would be to do life with someone we don’t truly love. If you’ve thought these thoughts, perhaps it’s time to think about moving on.

1. I’m not tagging him/her in my pics

Ok, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, this does seem a little infantile. Hear me out, though. We are living in the age of Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat! If you don’t want to flaunt your love to the whole world via any of these platforms, you’re probably not really into this person. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. I know some couples hold off on tagging each other or posting pictures for fear of jinxing things, but at some point, you’re itching to get your boo on there. If you’re not, do you really want to be with this person?

2. I’m so getting back at him/her for that.

They mess up, and you keep tabs. Keeping tabs is a sign of immaturity, but it’s also a sign of not being able to forgive. You can’t love someone who you can’t forgive. We’re human, and by default where there are humans, there is failure and fault. If you can’t let go of mistakes, you’re probably not as in love as you think you are.

3. We have nothing in common.

One day you realize that they hate all the shows you watch. They won’t try sushi or yoga, and they think that the music you listen to is annoying and it irks you. You can overcome not having things in common. Normally, couples complement each other and aren’t into the same exact things per se, but if you can’t help but think about how boring it’ll get in the future, you may have to rethink this.

4. He/she is so irritating when…

Their quirks irritate you, and you find yourself picking fights with them about it. You notice it more and more, and it makes your blood boil. People don’t change and if you think they do, think about how hard it is for you to implement change into your own life. Tough, huh? If you can’t get over the weird little things they do, it would be best for you to set them free.

5. I wonder how so and so is doing.

You still think about that guy/girl and stalk their Instagram. You wonder what it would’ve been like if you had hit it off, or how different things would be if you lived in the same city. You fantasize and the thought of this person rarely leaves your psyche. If you can’t let that go, you’re going to end up hurting the person you are with. It’s unfair to your current person, and it’s unfair to you. Languishing for someone else’s love is torture.

6. My parents can’t know about him/her.

Your parents don’t have to approve of everything that you do, but if you’re planning on getting serious, you should want to introduce them to the people who created you. It’s natural for you to want for them to meet your family. If you’re having second thoughts about that, this person may not be the one.

7. My friends will hate him/her.

Your tribe knows you and knows about the horrid mistakes you make when dating. If you know your friends will hate this person, it’s probably for a good reason. If introducing your significant other to your friends makes you anxious, it means that they’re either not treating you right and you’re embarrassed for your buds to see that or you’re not fully into your person. When we’re in love, we want to shout it from the mountaintops. When you’re not in love, you want to keep things on the DL, and that includes keeping your friends at arm’s length.

8. This relationship is ok…for now.

You hope to find someone better, but you choose to be with this person because it’s better than being lonely. You’re choosing to only be semi-happy, and you’re playing with someone else’s life. Not cool. Do them and yourself a favor and end it. Using someone is never, ever truly love. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Fernanda is a native New Yorker who loves tea, fuzzy socks and stories

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