After a terrible relationship comes healing and healing, as we’ve all experienced, comes in a series of stages. First, you’re in pain, then you enter the resentment stage. Then comes the stage when you think you’re over it, but you aren’t, because every time you think about it you get angry and then finally, one fine day, you realize that it actually doesn’t hurt anymore. Thinking about the pain and hurt that the person caused you no longer ignites old feelings of sadness or anger, and you’re able to maturely see that relationship as a lesson. You come to accept that enduring such a horrible relationship was actually a tool for your own growth. Here are some things we learn after ending a toxic relationship.
1. Listen to your gut.
There’s a slight chance that most of us enter relationships with a gut feeling about that person and what they or may not bring to your life. After a toxic relationship, you listen to your gut a little more.
2. How much drama you’re willing to deal with.
Healing from a toxic relationship will teach about the drama you’re willing to accept in your life. All relationships come with a little drama, but after a toxic relationship, you’re more aware of how much of it you’re truly willing to put up with.
3. Listen to the people who love you.
Your best friend wasn’t telling you that this person wasn’t good for you because they were jealous, they were telling you because sometimes feelings of love lower our ability to think straight. They were looking out for you. After a toxic relationship, you realize that the people who love you really do have your best interest at heart.
4. Personality matters.
After a toxic relationship, you may realize that it hasn’t been working for you in the love department because you keep going after the same type of guy/girl over and over again. You realize that a pair of killer blue eyes or a frame of over six feet isn’t as important when there’s no kindness. After a toxic relationship, you learn that a good heart weighs more than good looks.
Ah, the F word. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy because forgiveness isn’t something that magically appears in your life. You can’t just wait for forgiveness to appear suddenly from thin air. Forgiveness, much like love, is a decision. After a toxic relationship, you learn that forgiveness is not so much for the other person. It’s for you. Forgiveness seals that chapter in your life.
6. Fight for what’s right.
After a toxic relationship, you learn what types of relationships are worth fighting for and which ones don’t deserve the amount of time and energy that it takes to work something out. You learn that some relationships just can’t be fixed.
7. Not selling yourself short.
There are things you learn that you cannot live without and there are areas in which you’re not willing to compromise. If you find yourself compromising on things that are vital to you, you quickly learn that in your next relationship you will not be as willing to do that. It sounds selfish, but it’s not.
8. Looking out for yourself.
You think more about your wellbeing. You start to think about how important your peace of mind is and how no one who messes with that should be in your life.
You learn to focus on yourself and on what you want. You no longer put your desires on hold, because toxic relationships tend to convince us that we can no longer do the things we love. Instead, you learn to stay true to who you are. You learn to love yourself in ways that no one else can love you.
10. You did not waste your time.
It may have been a relationship that lasted years or maybe it was just a few months. Regardless of how long it was, in the end, you don’t see it as a waste of time because you learned. Truth be told, it does take a little while to get to that point, but once you get there you feel so grown.