Listen up, dude, ’cause I’m only saying this once. You have the best, I repeat, THE BEST girl by your side now and because you don’t seem like a total douche, I wanted to give you a heads-up on how to treat her. You look afraid and you should be, because I’ve got my eye on you, punk.
OK, now that I’ve bullied you a little, let me just say that I really want for this to work out. She likes you and seeing how happy she looks when she talks about you makes me really happy. DO NOT ruin our happiness. I’m sure you’ve already noticed she’s special. She’s a hard nut to crack, but once she lets you in she’s warm and so loving. I know you’re wondering if she really likes you that much, and I’m here to tell you that she totally does, but to get into her heart, you’ll have to understand some things about her first. She’ll come around if you’re patient, so please be patient, OK? Here’s a little road map. Use it wisely and remember that if you hurt her, I’ll probably hurt you.
1. She has the best sense of humor.
Behind her judgmental stare is a great sense of humor. Her sense of humor is dark as a midnight sky, but she’ll still laugh at corny. Make her laugh and do it often.
2. She’s too caring.
She’ll worry about if you ate or not. If you’re sick, she’ll drop everything to be by your side. That’s just the way she is, but because she’s so caring she’ll forget to take care of herself. Don’t allow her to forget and when she does forget, YOU take care of her. Worry whether she ate or not. Buy her a PMS package—I swear she’ll love it, but please remind her to take care of herself, too.
3. She eats like a horse.
For such a tiny person, this girl eats like a freaking animal. Never judge her for it. She’ll never order a salad and she’ll never say no to a beer. Thank, whichever higher power you believe in that she gives no fucks about her daily caloric intake.
4. Her family means everything to her.
Her family isn’t perfect, but they’ve always been there for her. She’s had lots of love and support from them and now that she’s all grown up, she does a lot of the supporting. Never question why she does it; just support her and admire her for being a good daughter. Not many people value family the way she does. Observe her and learn from her. Also, if you get in good with her mom, you’re golden.
5. She’s giving.
Her way of saying “I love you” isn’t conventional, so don’t get taken aback if she doesn’t say it immediately. She’s probably been showing you instead. She’s a “here, I bought you this” type. All the little gifts are her way of telling you. She’s showing you something that can sometimes be a little hard for her to verbalize.
6. She’s shy.
She’s not the get-up-and-dance type. She hates public speaking and you’ll probably find yourself pulling words out of her at the beginning. She’s shy, OK? If you’re an annoying, loudmouth extrovert, never, ever make her feel bad for not being as expressive and vocal. She has things she’s passionate about and she definitely has opinions. She’s just a bit reserved when it comes to sharing them. If you make her feel comfortable and offer her a judgment-free zone to share her thoughts, she’ll never shut up, I promise.
7. She has good taste.
She isn’t bougie, but she likes good things. When she picks the restaurant, know that it’ll be a good place and she won’t skimp on spending a pretty penny. Also know that she understands limits and if she suggests a place that you feel is out of your budget, she’s always going to be ready to spot you. She’s like that. You don’t have to feel like less of a man because she is her own woman and can provide for herself and you.
8. She likes rom-coms and love stories.
Endure them once in a while, because she’ll always be willing to endure your boring-ass documentaries.
9. You need to text her good morning and goodnight.
Never allow her to feel forgotten. Little things like texts mean the world to her.
10. She is very honest.
She’ll always be polite and kind, but she’s also brutally honest about what she likes and doesn’t like. Her honesty is something to appreciate and thank her for. She won’t walk on eggshells for you because she doesn’t believe she has to. If she has something to say, she will and you should be respectful of her feelings and opinions.