To The One Who I Need To Let Go

Gabriel Nunes
Gabriel Nunes

When things went south, I have to admit that it was hard to understand. One day we were making plans for the future, the next day I’m finding out that you’re involved with someone else. We could’ve worked it out and though you apologized and said that she meant nothing and that I had it all wrong, I had to go. I’m so sorry for having left you. I know how many times you’ve been abandoned and I swear I never wanted to form a part of that group of people. I’m sorry that my pride and giving myself my place, as well as idealizing you and not understanding that you were going to fail at some point, got in the way.

I don’t hate you, but I did for a little bit. Then I realized that hate is like drinking poison and expecting for it to harm someone else. Hate is self-loathing. It’s inflicting pain and bitterness on yourself, and I don’t want that for me.

The purpose of this letter isn’t to tell you how I felt, but more to finish up. To bury the love I had for you once and for all because it’s good to come to terms.

We bury the dead so that they can peacefully decompose, and we bury old love stories for the same reason.

I won’t be petty and say that Karma will have its way with you when the time is right. I actually hope for the opposite. I hope that no one in this life will harm your heart the way you did mine. I hope that no one will ever want to put you through that, because although everyone in my circle will say that you deserve that and more, I can’t wish that on you.

I hope that you’ll be successful in your career because I know it’s been rough. I hope that one day the world will know about and understand your talent and recognize you as one of the greats. I hope that your view on art will change perspectives and inspire, because you inspired me every day when we were still an “us”.

Every September I will keep you in prayer. I know how much you miss her and that when she died part of you went with her. I know about the guilt you can’t shake and pray that one day you’ll be able to forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault.

If you’ll allow me to give you a last piece of advice, all I have to say is live, babe. Live your life to the fullest. Take chances. Don’t be afraid. Don’t second guess yourself anymore. Don’t self-deprecate. Love like your life depends on it and whoever is by your side now, please let her in. I know it’s tough for you. The walls that surround you are mighty and strong, but if she loves you at all, she wants you to let her in. Trust. Please trust and show her, like you showed me, how incredible you are.

I thank you for your friendship and for the love you selflessly gave me while I was still part of your life.

Thanks for all the memories we shared and for teaching me that to say goodbye is to grow. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Fernanda is a native New Yorker who loves tea, fuzzy socks and stories

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