They say the living and the dead have nothing to share, but I can’t help but think of you every single day.
It tears my heart to pieces knowing that I will never see you again.
Every day, I can’t help but think of that beautiful smile. The smile that always knew how to brighten my day. The peace it always brought my troubled little heart.
I miss the way I was an open book to you. The way I lied to everyone one but you. I tried. I guess you knew me better than I thought.
Every day, I can’t help but think of how you are doing, of where you are. If you are happy. I hope you are in a better place. I hope you are at peace like I am with you. It hurts that you left, but I don’t blame you.
As each day passes, I wish you were here to see me grow. To see me sprout in to this man that I am today. The man you have always wanted me to be. I wish you were here so that I could thank you for instilling all the good morals in me. For showing me a better way in life. For laying the firm foundations of my life.
I wish I could have the chance to apologize for my unjustified behavior as a teen whose heart and mind were hard to figure out. For the times I broke your heart. For the times I was a prick.
Each day, I wish you were here. To lend me an ear that would never get tired of my pain, my words. I wish I could bother you every day. I wish I could have a chance with you to pour my heart, because with you, there was never embarrassments. Because with you, I was always sure of a way out.
Every day, I wish you were here. I long for your hug, your assurance that you’ll always love me. I long for the assurance that you’ll always have my back because to you, I know I’d always be your little boy.
Every day, I wish you could be here. I long for the talks we would have had. About life, about girls, awkward as they could be. I wish you’d be here to pull the ‘I’m your mom, you could tell me anything, card’. I long for your bad jokes that would make me crack either way. I long for those jokes, even if for a moment. I long for your very laughter, the sound of it in my ear.
Each day, I wish you would be here. To receive your daughter in law. To drop me the question of grandchildren before we could even plan for any. To see the joy in your eyes when we’d deliver such news which would be music to your ears.
Each day I thank God for gifting me a person like you as a mother. I thank him for letting me know and enjoy the beauty of childhood and life itself with you as my mother, even though for a little while.
Every day, I pray for your soul. That it may find peace.