While attending Binghamton University, I learned many things about giving my love, and attention to the wrong men. I’ve remained friends till this day with those individuals because I learned the following 5 things. So here’s to hoping that my past experience could potentially help you out of your current situationships, or help you gain a different perspective on a past
1. First of all, you aren’t a victim nor are you unlucky. This type of mindset will get you nowhere. If you weren’t lied to, or mislead, then you aren’t a victim. And if you were misled or lied to, then use it as an opportunity to learn and grown. Learn and truly believe that your love is one of a kind and every steps should be taken to channel that love into someone who will
reciprocate it, or better yet, cultivate that love into a passion of yours.
Wait. Be patient, learn to be in love with yourself and learn value of the type of love you have to offer. Learn to protect and cherish your ability to love. Not everyone deserves it. Although not seeing yourself as victim or unlucky is listed as the first step, I believe it is the most important, and most difficult step. Too often, we believe because our love for someone is pure and good intentioned, we deserve a chance, or the person should give us a chance. None of us are entitled to anyone else’s romantic love.
2. YOU are in control and, you have the power to love from afar until you no longer crave someone who doesn’t crave you back. I learned that once you are able to get yourself out of victimhood, and the “poor me mentality” you are more likely to be able to stop blindly love that person. Love yourself enough to not only simply pour your love out, but to believe that you deserve to be loved and that you are and will be loved by many.
3. Self reflection is key in order to find patterns and interactions with that person that are based solely on emotions. Learn to be able to recognized thinking patterns, and behaviors toward, and around that person. Once you are aware of the patterns, you’ll be aware of your triggers. Does he not call or text back, does he leads you on and not follow through? If you become aware of those patterns, you’ll then be aware of your reactions to them. Learning about your reactions to your triggers will help you manage and eventually avoid them.
4. Be Brave! Once you are aware of patterns, triggers, and your own reactions to them, be brave enough to try to avoid them. The key is to be proactive and not retroactive. If you know that him not texting or calling you back will put you in a down spiral of emotions, try texting him less, if hanging with him makes your feelings for him increase, try to hang with him less until you don’t feel the need to hang with him anymore. From my experience, I know those things aren’t easy but whenever you feel tempted just try to think about your already known reactions to your triggers. No one actually like to feel bad or unloved all the damn time! Love yourself enough to at least
to remove yourself from situationships that aren’t doing any good for you,
5. Finally, give it time! Time really does heal everything, I repeat time heals everything! You’ll realize there’s nothing to do but to move on and live your life. Try not to be bitter or resentful. Take it as a lesson and if it’s still remain hard to swallow, just think about the many people who’ve had feelings for you and that you did not reciprocate. Not everyone will like us back and we need to teach ourselves to be ok with that and understand that our love in itself is pure and one of a kind. Try to understand that your love is good enough without always being reciprocated.