“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you… And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” —Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
I was never ready for a storm but it came anyway, without any warning – turning my life upside down, challenging every belief I ever had about life and the universe and destroying every pre-conceived notion about love in its path.
You were that storm for me. The perfect collision of my past and future, a kaleidoscope of colors that changed my skies. You left me breathless and gasping for air as you swept me off my feet. And I willingly followed, as you held out your hand for mine, pulling me into the darkness and right into the eye of the storm.
They say life is as unpredictable as the weather and it must be true because as much as I planned, nothing could ever prepare me for you. I didn’t believe in love. You didn’t believe in fate. And we figured that they were pretty much the same thing. And in our united disregard for love, fate and everything in between, we found happiness.
There was no one else but us in this storm and through the cold nights and violent winds, I had never felt safer because I was in this bubble with you, wrapped in the comfort of your words and warm embrace – safe from reality and society, clouded in this belief that we could make it work, and no one had to know. You were my secret and I was yours.
But the universe wasn’t ready for us yet.
I went through each day with my lips shut, afraid that the slightest whisper would reveal the vulnerability that was us and that I would give you away with my words.
I tried fighting the currents of change, holding on to every word that you ever said, grabbing you even tighter as you start to slip away. I told you I was scared. I said please don’t leave. You told me to close my eyes and look for my happiness. I turned around and you were gone.
It is quiet and still now. I’m not sure if it really is over but as I collect and try to piece together the wreckage, trying to understand the aftermath, I knew then you will never understand how much I love you and for all of me, I’ll never understand why.
I’m not the same girl you carelessly pulled into the storm. I am ready now, to walk out of this storm, leaving you my heart and our best memories.
I may not have gone where I intended to go but I think I have ended up where I needed to be, out of this storm.