If you had to describe your dating life through a top 40s countdown, this would be it. The guys you’ve dated (or almost dated) told through pop hits. And like Selena Gomez, you probably loved them like a love song. But between you and me, let’s hope you never have to re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat any of them.
He was a sweet talker and stole your heart. He could say anything and it would have you melt like hot knife to butter. He had you at hello and swore he’d love you as long as Kanye loved Kanye. The last you checked, Kanye still loved Kanye as much as interrupting award shows. The problem was, as he whispered sweet nothings to you, he was repeating the same script to Stacey, Mia and the cute Starbucks girl who served him his daily grind (and we’re not talking about coffee here). And that’s when you knew – you’d been hit by a Smooth Criminal.
Not quite your Adam Levine but he was the combination of fresh laundry, sunshine and pancakes with ice cream and berries on a Sunday morning. The kind you’d want to snuggle in bed with, a little longer, perhaps even forever. He felt like home. You were comfortable, too comfortable. You showed him off like a high score on Flappy Bird. Everyone loved him, even your mum. Maybe more than you did. Your friends never understood why you chose to break his heart. But you were young. You needed to be free. And because, you don’t date Sunday mornings, you marry them. And at 21, what you needed was a Friday night kind of guy.
Your mum warned you about Jagger. He was hot, sexy and rocked the guitar in a way that made you weak in the knees. It didn’t matter that he had girls falling all over him. He only had eyes for you. He ruined your lipstick in the sexiest way but sadly, also your mascara. You knew he was trouble and that he would eventually break your heart. That, he did. Loving him was intense. The sex was epic. But so were the fights. He gave you the highest of highs but also the lowest of lows. After the millionth fight and the last tube of mascara, you finally gave up. Love, you figured, shouldn’t have to be that hard.
Dating him was like dating the entire football team. Literally. His friends were always around and it was impossible trying to have an intimate or private conversation without Tom, Mark or Alex jumping in. Seriously, if you wanted to date the football team, you would have done it already.
Katy Perry got it right. Meet the emotionally unavailable guy who’s afraid of commitment. First he’s hot. Then he’s cold. He’s yes. And then he’s no. He kept you guessing like the bonus round of Wheel of Fortune. One minute you’re crying over a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and the next, you’re right in front of his apartment at 2am because he missed you. He was the sole reason you put on 12 pounds over the new year but thanks to him, you also discovered new flavors of ice cream – all 5 of them. You can’t remember the number of times you’ve changed your Facebook status in the past year. Single? Attached? Oh well, luckily Mark Zuckerberg came up with It’s Complicated. You swore he created it just for you.
He wasn’t a girl, and definitely not woman. Yet, he had the emotional needs of one. It was overwhelming trying to keep up with his insecurities and jealousy. He’d fly into a jealous rage every time you’re out with your friends. And the constant need for attention got you playing 20 questions each time you came home. It was as exhausting as keeping up with the Kardashians. That’s when you realized you had to be the man and end it.
Young love. He was your first love. You remembered the first kiss and the hours you spent on the phone each night, talking about life and your dreams. He was so easy to love. Everything you shared felt like magic. But as you both grew older and eventually apart, you stopped believing in magic. And you realized then, that behind every magic is an illusion.
He was smart. You connected over poetry, Murakami and the love for Michael Learns to Rock. Conversations flowed. It was special. But the timing wasn’t right. Stars didn’t align. You were in a relationship and didn’t have the courage to follow your heart. So you spent the rest of your life wondering what it could have been. For a long time, he was your should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. But like they say, don’t stress over what could have been. Chances are if it should have been, it would have been. And so you moved on.