I Don’t Like Myself When I’m With You

I don’t like myself that much.

Not like this at least, having mental breakdowns and hitting rock bottom to that point that I don’t even want to swim back up again.

I don’t like myself that much.

Not when I’m not with you, or not talking to you. Because all I really want to hear is how your day went over dinner every single night.

I don’t like myself that much.

Not at this moment because I hope one day when you come into my life again, it won’t be too late before I give up on love completely.

I don’t like myself that much.

Not when I’m so angry. I am so angry – but I forgive the world because it has you.

I don’t like myself that much.
Not because you don’t cross my mind, but because you live in it.

I don’t like myself that much.

Not this time of the year, because I can’t tell if it makes me want to fall in love or never see another human being ever again.

I don’t like myself that much.

Because I’m lost in my head, but I know the best thing for me to do is to talk to God about you, like I always do.

I don’t like myself that much.

Because I know the cold hard truth is that the ones worth keeping don’t need to be chased. But I still keep running.

I don’t like myself that much.

Not because I know that people drain me, but because I still wonder why I put in so much effort when they can’t seem to appreciate. When will I ever learn?

I don’t like myself that much.

Not right now, when I feel like every time I leave my house to see you, I feel like I’m heading home.

But you should know that I’m moving on now, and learning to love myself. I’m realizing that I am deserving of, and ready for all the amazing things life has to offer me.

To hell with the sweet nothings, I deserve the sweeter somethings.