1. Being single means washing the dishes once a week because it’s too much of a hassle to do it more than that… especially when you don’t have a dishwasher.
2. Shoveling two feet of snow is exceptionally difficult.
3. Wine is the best/least aggressive alcohol on the market. You can drink it alone without being marginalized as an alcoholic, even though you drink it so much your toothbrush turns purple.
4. Rom-coms are part the death of you and part the rejuvenation of you.
5. Bruce Willis is every single girl’s wet dream.
6. You will drunk text the guy that left you for another girl/to pursue a dream even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t.
7. You will also drunk text the guy your friends tell you that you shouldn’t because he is unavailable/has a girlfriend/doesn’t care about you.
8. You will sleep with a stranger because he is hot and has tattoos but you will also understand your credibility as a person when you refuse to go down on him because he offers you cocaine and is an ex-gang member.
9. Don’t make excuses for who you are.
10. People will surprise you with their generosity and give you more than you think you deserve.
11. When someone offers to shovel your car out of the snow, take that offer with a smile.
12. You will drink too much while at a bar in Manhattan because you feel like you are dying inside but remember that everyone is dying a little bit so don’t beat yourself up.
13. Your job is not who you are.
14. Your passions are what define you.
15. Learn how to make a proper meal for breakfast for the men you have one night stands with. This will make you feel less guilty and will help you when you’re snowed in with only eggs and bread.
16. Pizza is not a proper breakfast.
17. Neither is cake.
18. Or coffee.
19. Eat whatever the fuck you want for breakfast.
20. Reading gives you character and helps you understand things you otherwise wouldn’t.
21. It’s okay to cry in public.
22. People will judge you but it’s not your job to prove them wrong.
23. It’s okay to cry to a Nicholas Sparks movie.
24. You are not as alone as you think you are.
25. Don’t feel guilty when you’re alone on a Saturday watching Kevin Spacey movies. You’re becoming cultured. This will help you.
26. You don’t have to lose weight to attract a man.
27. You’re allowed to miss your ex.
28. You’re allowed to sleep with your ex even though it makes you feel terrible. You will learn and grow from this experience.
29. You don’t have to feel guilty about being selfish sometimes.
30. Frozen pizza is just as delicious as the real thing.
31. Eggs make a great meal any time of the day. Learn how you like your eggs cooked and learn how to make them that way.
32. You will spend too much money on alcohol.
33. Even though your mom pressures you for grandkids, she just wants you to be happy. Don’t fall into the pressure. If you want kids, you’ll have them when you’re ready.
34. Travel whenever you can. Debt can be forgiven. Regret cannot.
35. Don’t use an ex as a measuring stick for future boyfriends. This never worked before and it won’t work in the future. You will try anyway.
36. Know that you are perfect as you are and you don’t need someone else to make you interesting.
37. Don’t be afraid to walk around your apartment naked. You will miss the opportunity when it’s gone.
38. Porn is not exclusively for men.
39. It’s okay to use online dating sites. This is the twenty-first century. Embrace it.
40. Laugh loudly, even if people criticize you, or if people tell you to be quiet. It’s not your job to make sure people are comfortable around you. Be yourself, at all times, and you’ll survive.