When you’re the one who feels less, you don’t feel a whole a lot obviously. You don’t feel guilty about the hearts you broke. You don’t feel bad about not being there for people when they need you the most. You love being the one who cares less because you don’t put effort into anything. You don’t let people in. You don’t put yourself out there. You feel less, you do less and so you become less.
When you are the one who feels less, you don’t have to compromise. You don’t acknowledge your feelings because they don’t matter to you. When you are the one who is not investing emotions into something, you don’t put your hopes up high. You don’t expect anything and you work for nothing. You don’t break promises because you never make them.
You feel free. You have no responsibilities whatsoever. The only thing you’re committed to is yourself. You feel free because you have no attachment to anyone in your life. You call when you want something. You text back when you like. You see people as liability because to care for them means to worry about them, it means to give a shit and do something about it.
You feel in-control. You call the shots. You leave your feelings at the door. You’ve got the situation under control. You’re not scared to lose someone. In fact, you don’t care about what the future holds for you with anyone because you see no future. You’ve got the universe rested on the palm of your hand with no cost, no effort, no fear.
You feel arrogant. You do your own thing. You have your own life. You’re confident about your future; a whole plan that only involves you and your best interest. You’re so excited about the great things you want to accomplish in your career. The places you’ll explore. The people you’re gonna meet and then leave behind. The stories you’ll tell about how you care less. And how caring less enriched your life, polished your person.
You feel lost. You don’t know what you want. You’re confused because at some point even those who feel less, feel more. You feel a great range of feelings that you don’t know how to deal with. All of the sudden, you feel jealous or you crave their touch. Just like that, you cannot resist them, you cannot fight the thought of them. There comes a time when you lose control of yourself as you gain feeling you didn’t know existed. Someone cracked your code, someone found the keys to your guarded heart, someone made you fall. They made you fall harder and deeper than you’ve ever fallen for someone.
You might love being alone but you’ll hate being lonely. You might love feeling in-control but you’ll crack under pressure because you are not prepared for it. You might love not caring until you start to care unwillingly. When you’re the one who feels less, you win. At least at first you do.