Maybe this is not the best time to fall in love. And maybe this isn’t the right place to navigate through the meaning of love. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the best of what life offers you. I wish you courage to chase after what sets your heart on fire and strength to fight for what gives your soul purpose. And always remember that in a sky full of stars, I see you.
I meant every single word I wrote in that exact moment. I meant it when I said I wanted you. I meant it when I said I wanted to start the next chapter of my life with you. And I sure as hell meant it when I told you I loved you.
I daydreamed about the little things just as much as the big ones. I thought of you as a potential roommate, a partner, and a father. I pictured a bright future where we are together without barriers, issues, or drama. I saw a life that is ours, one that is worthwhile. I wanted that life to nourish at a reasonable, logical pace. And you took that opportunity away from us.
You took away a family. You took away a dream. You took away moments. You took away the good memories. You took away trust. You took away the essence of love. You took away intimacy.
You took away the beauty of surrender. You took away the power words have on someone. You took away the late-night conversations. You took away the places we have not been yet. You took away life, and you took away the feeling of being alive.
We were something real, something worth it. Something I don’t want to imprison, put a label on, or attach a title to. You took that something away. And you took away its chance to move mountains and create miracles. You called it a lot of things it wasn’t. You marched about why it wasn’t going to work. You went out of your way to prove your point. And instead, it grew and it became so big that your eyes couldn’t hide it.
You said that you wanted to be with me but you are with someone who is not me. And you said that you didn’t want to break my heart but you did.
Is that what you really value in life? Status? Money? Stability? I watched my worst nightmare unfold before me. And it doesn’t scare me that you took away the future, it scares me that I let you. That I allowed it to happen. There was nothing I could do to change things. And that made me feel powerless. And I felt invisible because my existence meant nothing. I was denied my basic rights as a lover. To fight. To be fought for. To be fought with. To be acknowledged.
You handle situations very poorly which shows your true lack of character. You leave when things get real. You quit when things get tough. You give-up when can’t see the way. You chose a cloudy situational circumstance over a long-lasting love; a fairytale. You are a coward for picking the easy way out. You are weak for being deceptive instead of honest. You are ignoble because you put your best interest above everything else, destroying those around you. It’s not okay what you did. What you broke will never be fixed. And it will never be restored.
I don’t want your kisses. I don’t want your arms wrapped around me like a safety net. I don’t want to miss the sound of your voice. I don’t want to recall your name. I am done evaluating whether you are a good person or not. I am done wondering if we are right for each other. I am done thinking about what you are thinking. I finished with you. I am over the magic, I am over the madness.
I don’t want to hear from you or about you ever again. I am letting you go. But most importantly, I am letting us go.