A Relationship Virgin: When The Normal Things Become Complicated

 Everton Vila
Everton Vila

You’re always stuck somewhere unpleasant, like the friend zone or an almost relationship. You are fluent in what fucked-up is and clueless about the normal. And you become overwhelmed with the simplest things like texting, for example: the good-morning and good-night texts, the texts with the heart emojis, I wish you were here and I miss you texts. When do you say I love you? How do you say it? What about personal space and privacy? Do you share passwords? How do tell them about your uttermost fears and painful experiences in life? You are so hungry for love and you’re ready for it. Love isn’t what’s missing, being with a lover is.

Sleepovers: Sleeping next to someone is a foreign language to you. Do you sleep with your clothes on? Do you wear their t-shirt? Do you cuddle? Do you sleep on different sides of the bed instead? Does falling asleep happen organically? You wonder if they’re sleeping well or having a hard time too. Your heart races and so do your thoughts.

You start panicking because you’re trying your best to make it work but it’s not working. Do I leave in the middle of the night? Do I leave first thing in the morning? Do I stay for breakfast? You ask yourself as you’re laying there, lost and torn apart. That’s when you start to feel that there’s something wrong in you. What if you weren’t made for a relationship?

You want to be with that person in that way but you got so accustomed to sleeping alone all these years that you don’t know how to share your bed with someone.

Meeting the parents & being together in public. You’ve never introduced someone to your parents. You always came home with some sort of heartbreak or disappointment instead. Everyone at home and at work know you’re single. You’ve never called someone baby, honey or bae. Nobody referred to you as “my girlfriend/boyfriend” or the girl/guy I’m dating.

Being single is an invisible item you wear wherever you go; it’s embedded in your identity and lifestyle. And so bringing someone into the picture feels like a death sentence to you. And you are not that good at answering questions like: how did you guys meet? How long have you known each-other for? How many kids do you want to have? When are you moving in together?

What kind of kiss do you give them when you’re around friends and family? How intimate do you set next to each-other? Do you hold hands in public? Do you make out at the club? Taking pictures of you two is bitter and sweet because you want it so badly but you don’t know what to do with it. Do you post a picture of you on social media? Do you keep it to yourself? Do you put it in a frame at your office or in your apartment?

Being together alone. You’re scared of being with them because you don’t know how to know they’re the one. How do you spend the most boring day of your life with them? Do you wanna do that in the first place? You are in love with your single person rituals; you have your own me, myself and I time.

Your energy is dedicated to your passion, work, family and friends, adventures and learning in general. You are close to your friends from the opposite sex or the same sex whichever your preference is. Jealousy isn’t on your radar and you don’t quite understand territorial people. You don’t have trust issues.

And the person you’re with might mistake your confidence for carelessness, your love for freedom for being distant, your independence for selfishness. In your defence you think to yourself: being in a relationship with someone is a choice you make every single day and there’s no one you insanely desire other than the person I’m in a relationship with, that’s the sexiest thing ever, right?

You want a partner who can be a teammate, a friend and a lover all at the same time. And to you, that’s quite simple while in fact it’s a little bit more complicated than that in the world we live in.  TC mark

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