Sometimes, what we don’t see in the world says a lot about the things we are paying attention to, just like what we say is an indirect indication of what we are not saying.
You see it in his eyes. You feel it in the way he touches you. And it’s evident in his energy; loving and kind. Yet, darling, you’ll never seem to quite hear it. Yes, actions speak louder than words but words have to speak first or else, they lose meaning. Words are magic and his lips are the magician. You long for him to say it and you wait. Perhaps, you wait a month, a year, or a decade. Because you know he does, despite what everyone has been telling you.
He might not say the words out loud, but he’ll surely says the equivalent of them. The L word is like the tip of the iceberg and everything else he’s telling you is what’s below the surface. You’ll catch him saying things that subtly show he’s paying attention.
He’ll repeatedly tell you how much he likes the little things about you; the silly, the lame, the weird, the crazy. But, it won’t be enough because there’s more to it. It’s like you are searching for something you know is out there, you see it and feel it but just can’t seem to touch it.
He’ll become over-protective. He’ll treat you like a little kid who needs protection or worse, like a lost puppy, needing direction. He’ll go with you to the ladies washroom to guard you while you change your t-shirt while he could’ve just waited outside. He’ll shower you with advice, whether you need it or not. He’ll surly throw instructions your way, too. Careful, your phone is gonna fall! Are you hungry? You shouldn’t stay out late; your parents will be worried. Wanna stay over? Oh, right.. You have to work tomorrow. Drink plenty of water on your flight. How are your friends? Do you need a ride? What are you thinking? Are you okay?
He begins to make sacrifices. He’ll give you more food than what you’ve asked for. He’ll let you play your favorite song in his car, the same song he used to tease you about. He’ll give you the t-shirt you love so much. He’ll wear the ugly bracelet you made him. He’ll go through trouble just to see you before you leave the country. He’ll go to your favorite place on earth with you even if it means spending a moment there when it took half a day get there. He’ll do things he thinks are a bad idea like losing himself in the moment because he just can’t help it. He’ll begin to choose spending boring time with you over a fun night out with the guys.
He’ll miss out on that soccer game that he’s been waiting for and his friends keep calling but he’d rather keep talking to you in his car, parked in front of your place. He’ll have intimate conversations with you about his past and how he sees his future unfold. And above all that, he won’t say it. He’ll fail to understand the difference between sacrifice and compromise. He’s a loser because he’s never won anything in his life not because he’s lost something.
He’ll avoid eye connection. Why tell someone something with your mouth when you can say it with your eyes instead? He’s so scared you’ll see it in his eyes because he’s in too deep and can’t hide it anymore. He can’t hide how he feels and he can’t show it either.
He’ll tell you he cares for you and doesn’t want to show it because he doesn’t want to give you false hope. While in fact, it’s himself who he doesn’t want to give false hope to.
He’ll begin to withdraw slowly but smartly. He’ll get real busy. He might even meet someone new and get into a relationship, out of the blue and just like that..
He’ll put you on a pedestal. He’ll think the world of you. He’ll tell you he has the most respect for you and that he admires you. He’ll see you glowing in your least glorious moments. He’ll tell you that you deserve the best.
He’ll tell you he doesn’t want to stand in your way to finding love, but little did he know that ‘love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.’ — Khalil Gibran.