You pour your heart out to somebody. You let them in, you let them see your little shiny, magical world. You tell them your secrets. You tell them all about your fears. You share with them your real, raw feelings about your world. You experience a unique level of intimacy: that kind of bond that the two of you have with no other but with each-other.
But, things go wrong. We grow apart from the ones we love and we wake-up one day as different people just like that. Things do die slowly but we often don’t notice until they’re long gone. We get wounded so badly that we end-up with the following:
Numb. You can’t feel anything. You’re just so empty. The more painful experiences you encounter, the emptier you become.
You don’t feel your heartbeat at times and it doesn’t seem to make a difference really. You feel suffocated most of the time because silence sounds more merciful than words. You become distant. You have this urge to run away because you’re a different person now stuck in the same place with the same assholes. You are eager to leave. To escape that kind of feeling, that kind of people, that kind of life. That one person left a whole in your heart so deep that will always be there. And all those who follow just hit the nail where it hurts and so the impact becomes magnified.
Untrusting. You become suspicious of people’s intentions. You overthink the un-necessary because you are convinced there’s more to it. Nothing takes you by surprise.
You expect betrayal and abandonment from everyone, those closest to you first. People might tell you that they love you, that they care for you. People might tell you that they’ll be there and that they see you for who you are but you just don’t seem to believe it. You’ve been there before too many times that you are paralyzed to that thing called trust!
You’ve been flaked on before, lie to, manipulated by those who put on some sort of fancy mask that you just can’t believe anything anymore. You know that when something looks too good to be true it usually is.. You have trust issues that are so great that you don’t know a real thing even if it’s in your hands.
You become some sort of powerful because you were there when nobody else was. You taught yourself to be resilient to what other people are and to the consequences of their actions. You survived without the people you thought you would never live without.
You’ve moved on from the person you once were. It will always hurt and it will always cut deep but it won’t destroy you because it’s not greater than your belief in better things, better people, better places..
You are indestructible because at the end of the day, you rose up to the occasion. It will take time until you open-up your heart to the goodness of the Universe. It will be a while until you feel again.
In the meantime, you will fight your way to a better place because you are good, you are kind, you are pure. And in a world like ours, that’s rare. That’s the one thing that remains unchanged about you, your essence.