Hangovers are like a rite of passage for all of us twenty-something-year-olds; they are produced on unforgettable nights where we as individuals form around a bar and get wasted with not only loved ones, but with complete strangers as well. After we wake up the next day from our night of drunken stupor, there are a number of very clear and precise thoughts that crosses all of our minds, giving life a bold perspective.
1. “Maybe I’m too old to be doing this.”
Hangovers do give a new meaning to the aged old idiom of ‘you’re only as old as you feel.’ How old we think we are and how much we think we can actually ‘hang’ are definitely worlds apart. I don’t care if you were out celebrating your 21st birthday or it’s the twentieth hangover you’ve ever had, each new hangover brings into question “how much longer can I wake up feeling like shit?”
2. Waiting for the new credit card statement to post.
Waking up Saturday or Sunday morning with that heavy cloud of doubt hanging over your head. Knowing damn well you didn’t have the amount of money in our bank account you just spend the night prior. So it’s definitely going to be a Top Ramen kind of week, as you continue to press refresh when you log into your Wells Fargo account. Looking at the online back statement can be a deafening experience; especially waiting to see if all the charges going to clear (why’d you leave that one waitress a $20 tip? Was she really that cute?). You come to the conclusion that you aren’t the baller you claim to be on Instagram, and Monday morning couldn’t come soon enough.
3. The “I never want to drink again” revelation.
The worst part of a new hangover is that resounding feeling that washes over you of wishing the world would just stop spinning for one second, and questioning why you ever got drunk in the first place? Whether you’re holding onto the toilet seat or your bedroom pillow for dear life, you tell yourself that no matter, what you will never drink alcohol ever again.
4. How the entire day (or following days) will be wasted.
Hangovers are entirely responsible for unproductive days. For starters, you don’t feel like waking up until around noon maybe, and even when you do wake up you feel like you need more sleep. The clock slowly just ticks on by as you miss every errand you planned for the day and you have no possible timeframe of when you’ll recover.
5. When you realize who your real friends are.
Only when you wake up with a pounding headache do you realize who your closes friends actually are. Who will send out the “are you okay?” text vs. the “see you next week…” text? Does anybody stop by your place to check up on you? See if you made it though the night? There is no more a crucial time than the 24hrs after you got shit-faced and the people who come to your rescue. This may be one of the most important moments of clarity you are going to have.
6. The very thought of food is repulsive.
Remember how Domino’s Pizza or anything off the Chipotle menu gave you an instant food boner? Well nothing could be further from the truth then when you are recovering from a raging hangover. The thought of all that grease and fat just makes the pain of the hangover that much worst. And if you haven’t already puked your brains out (trust me you will), thinking of any kind of food in this moment will only make matters worst as you spend the next few hours clutching onto your stomach.
7. A deeper appreciation for the little things: water, sleep, and your bed.
The water in your faucet tastes 10x better, each extra hour you catch some Z’s is absolute pure gold, and your bed of all places, is the best place to be on earth right now. If any good comes from a perfectly timed hangover, it’s the appreciation and gratitude you’ll have for the little things in life you’re too busy to pay attention to.
8. Not wanting to go to work and contemplating your career choice.
Maybe working at the neighborhood Walgreens isn’t where you wanted to be at 28. Hangovers are great for making you aware of all the bad decisions you’ve made in life, and they really do get you to start thinking about pursuing you’re passion instead. One thing’s for sure; if it’s Monday morning your ass is calling in sick for work.
9. Realizing if your current relationship is true love or just a fling.
Hangovers expose relationships better than anything else. The clarity you have after an epic night on the town, and the person who is there waiting for you in the morning (with a barf bag in one hand and a bowl of chicken soup in the other) may just be your Ride-or-Die. Or maybe you realize that bae really is just a booty call posing as a serious relationship and it may be time to reevaluate the entire thing. Who needs Dr. Phil when hangovers are there to reveal this type of information?
10. How likely you will do it all over again…next weekend.
Once the residue of the hangover is completely out of your system, let’s be honest, you’re bound to get white-girl wasted again, and again, and again in the future. It’s the sad reality that comes with going out and partying with friends. No matter how awful the feeling of a hangover is and no matter who dreadful we all know the next twelve hours will be, on that night, and in that moment, we all say ‘fuck it,’ because we all know it’s all worth it in the end.