Thought Catalog

What Is It With Fingering? An Essay?

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Do guys really like fingering a girl and do girls really like to get fingered?  These are the important questions I sometimes ask myself.  I have been mulling over fingering for the last two days in an attempt to get to the bottom of it.  I will pen my thoughts as they arise.  Call it ‘thinking out loud’ if you will.

When I was a young girl and my pubic hair was just starting to reach its full potential, I remember one of my brother’s friends tried to finger me under a beach towel.  He was forcing his hand between my legs, trying to gain leverage under my swimsuit bottoms.  I didn’t know what he was trying to do but I did know that a young man’s hands on my private parts in broad daylight was not something God would smile upon. Good thing I had tremendous thighs or I would’ve lost my fingerginity much too early in life.  Later I overheard him telling another guy that he ‘totally tried to finger me’ and then I understood:  he wanted to put his fingers in my vagina. (GROSS!)

Why do guys like fingering?  Perhaps it’s because in the initial endeavors of ‘hooking up with’ a girl, this might be all he gets. It’s like the apex is always the vagina, and reaching the apex is dick inside the vagina.  So, if you can only get your fingers in there, you have not exactly lost maybe…maybe you still get ‘points’ or something.

We all know fingers don’t have the same amount of nerve endings as a penis does. (But boy if it did, guys would be eating spaghetti in an entirely new way!)  So, we know fingering a girl will not feel quite as nice as it does when it is a penis.  So, perhaps the stimulation a guy gets from fingering a girl is in feeling the hot, wet, tightness (hopefully) around his fingers and maybe seeing her get pleasure (hopefully) from it.

I think, also, that maybe fingering is a testing ground.  You can maybe determine a few deciding factors such as;

  1. Does she get wet?
  2. Tightness
  3. Taste and smell
  4. Whorefactor

To expatiate:

Does she get wet?

If you are making out in a hot and heavy fashion and you push your hand under her belt buckle and snake it down into her panties army man style and find out that her liquidity levels do not match the steel trap boner you are sporting then maybe this is a miss-match.

Tightness

If you find that you can fit your entire hand and maybe a small koala into her vagina, maybe she’s not a tree you want to climb.

Taste and smell

I liken this to the checking of the oil when you are at a full service gas station.  I envision a man clad in greasy coveralls, a three day growth of beard and black under his fingernails withdrawing a dipstick and squinting at it over the cracks in my dashboard.  I figure a guy can get his digits down there, swirl it around for a few and maybe fake a nose itch or something and have his hand make his way back up to his face where it can afford him a ‘prelude of things to come’.  I will leave it at that.  (I will keep it ‘delicate’ and ‘tasteful’.)

Whorefactor

If a girl lets you finger her within hours of knowing her she could easily be a whore.  (Not in the literal sense…) This might be a winning factor for a man, or not.  In this day and age, guys are probably fingering girls on the dance floor.

Bottom line; I think guys like fingering girls because they are putting their fingers in her vagina and ‘fucking’ the vagina with the fingers.  It’s probably a great thing to do.

_____

Now for the ladies…

I think the ladies like fingering because it’s a chance to feel like you are being fucked without really being fucked. If you go back to point four, above, ‘Whorefactor,’ for a second, maybe I was wrong.  Maybe a girl will take a fingering before an actual fucking to prove she is NOT a whore.  Maybe fingering feels ‘safe’ for a girl.  Maybe the allowance of a fingering is a girl telling a guy, “I like you enough to put your fingers inside of me, but I’m not quite ready for your penis.”  It might be a girl’s way of ‘not letting a guy down’ while still keeping him ‘up’.  (funny.)

A girl letting a guy finger her could be like a promise ring.

In the case of stimulation, this is where the tables are turned on the men, because, as we all know, vaginas have way more nerve endings than fingers.  So when a man is fingering a girl, she gets an ample amount of stimulation.  Ha HA!  So, it’s pretty obvious that there is no case for argument here.  A girl likes to be fingered because it feels good in her vagina. (And she can’t get pregnant)

In summation…what have we learned?  I’m not sure that we’ve learned much of anything.  I think this is the first piece of writing where I’ve used the term ‘fingering’ so much.  I’ve just gone back and counted and I’m at 19. Wow…Impressive.  But I am digressing.

We’ve obviously learned that reading an in-depth thought provoking essay on fingering (20!) could lead to ‘boner time’ and also that I spent a few days actually thinking about the act of fingering (21!) so much so that I felt compelled to put pen to paper about it and what does that say about me? TC mark

image – Helga Weber

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    • chelseafagan

      ……whaaaat?

      In all seriousness, in trying to read this, my eyes could not keep on the text. I had to force myself to keep going back and re-read, and even then, I have no clue what the fuck this is.

      • guest

        what a pointless comment

        • http://derangedbutterfly.tumblr.com Pik

          … unlike your insightful comment?

      • man

        it article u read

      • eric

        i feel the same way about chelsea fagan articles but how uncomfortable would be if i just said so right to her proxy face

        • chelseafagan

          Yeah, anonymous people commenting negatively on my work makes me really uncomfortable. Good thing I don't write on the internet.

        • man

          nice comment u write

        • QueenofIndie

          I'd like to point out, Chelsea, that I adore your work on here. Definitely in my top three favourote TC writers. :)

        • chelseafagan

          Hey, thanks! And the simple  joy of having a little Chelsea Fagan comment party in the middle of an article about fingerbanging is not lost on me.

        • http://www.theblogthatshouldnotbe.tumblr.com/ Kushagra Udai

          ROFL!

        • To

          Why are you suddenly funny instead of offensively dumb?

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

          FINGERBANG PARTY.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

          APART-THIGHS

      • http://www.vincentgalbo.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

        I blame your lack of understanding for the simple and carnal mind due to your huge mental capacity. Rather than spending all your time in rich mahogany studies, you should get out more.

    • Guest

      yeah, it's a bit aimless and uneven.

    • natalie a

      mm thought catalog your heteronormativity is so edgy today, lemme get in there and then subtly smell my knuckles to make sure you're the right kind of whorish this morning

    • http://www.vincentgalbo.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

      “So, perhaps the stimulation a guy gets from fingering a girl is in feeling the hot, wet, tightness (hopefully) around his fingers and maybe seeing her get pleasure (hopefully) from it.”

      Correct! But I'm sure there's a bunch of men with odd fetishes that give them an entirely different reason for fingering. Oh, that is fun to type. Fingering. Mmm, boner time.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

      A wise man once said “Pleasure is often spoiled by describing it”

    • Kim R

      You missed several important facets of fingering. First of all,
      fingering does not just involve fingers IN the vagina…. it often (and
      should, in my book) involve clitoral stimulation, which is what makes it
      so potentially amazing for women! It can also go terribly wrong…. too rough,
      too direct, or off target can be painful and/or very frustrating. Fingering also happens to be the only way I get off, whether as an
      independent act or during intercourse. If you're going to use the term 21 times, let's be a little more thorough!

      • georgie

        It's just the worst when fingernails get involved.

        • Kim

          I just saw this cringed. THE WORST.

        • Kim

          I just saw this cringed. THE WORST.

        • Kim

          I just saw this cringed. THE WORST.

    • Shwa

      Fingering is the equivalent of a handjob. Guys do it because they'd rather not give oral just like many girls don't want put their mouths on a penis. Mostly, I think guys do it because they think it will be an immediate precursor to sex.

    • sjs

      I feel like it's as pointless as a handjob – because that's what it equates to. Personally, I don't get it nor do I like it very much.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Timberman/922794 Steven Timberman

      I've written articles about all manner of random things, but did we really need to wonder why fingering is a good thing? Speaking as a hetero guy, I like it for the same reason I like going down on a girl – I get to watch her get pleasure from things I'm doing.

      Really, sometimes it is THAT simple. Plus, that whole bit with the “whorefactor” is uncomfortable to read. Its like the author is trying to thread the needle between self-deprecation and wise sage but instead ends up sounding naive and arrogant.

      Still, the piece got me thinking, and there are some good lines. Enjoyable to read, as with most stuff on TC.

    • Ceqli

      I like fingering BECAUSE it pleases a woman i'm with. I don't care about any social rules or norms involved with this – who gets to tell me what to do with my time, with my body? The answer (duh) is me and the person i'm with at the time. None others.

      Stop labeling people as whores or sluts just because they get theirs more often than you. Sex is for pleasure and mutuality – not for the judgement of others. The only people who would CARE enough about some else's sex life to pass judgement on it are mentally still in high school. 

      Grow up, sophomore.

    • caroline

      I can't be the only person here who uses fingers (mine, his, hers) for g-spot stimulation? I mean, that's the best thing about it: the ability to make the “come-hither” gesture directly on the g-spot, preferably combined with oral or vibrator clit stimulation. With the right partner, that combination (g-spot centered fingering + oral) absolutely reduces me to a moaning, quivering mass.

    • fffff

      you could probably write the same article about hand jobs on boys. 
      the answers to all these questions are obvious to anyone that's ever been fingered/fingered someone else and i really resent the “whore factor” section. you can't just excuse that bit by saying “not literally lol!” jesus.

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      Next in the series:

      “What Is It With Oral Sex?””What Is It With Vaginal Intercourse?””What Is It With Roller Coasters?”

    • Society

      What does that say about you, you ask? You probably need to loosen up get laid.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=533690625 Crispin Best

      laughing and thinking about fingering

    • http://twitter.com/thrillbourne Benjamin Milbourne

      Bravo!

    • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

      Reading an essay about fingering is possibly one of the highlights of my internet day.

    • Jelly Roll Morton

      it's a good question. I try not to touch anyone at all on any part of their anatomy with any part of my anatomy until I decide “it's okay to have sex with this person now,” in which case I unzip my pants, pull my flaccid penis through my jeans, wait for an erection, settle my “lover” into the basement sex swing, and proceed to have sex with her while being careful not to let any other parts of our anatomy to make contact, because that would be pointless and disgusting.
      AM I RIGHT?!

    • http://glorydrugstalkloud.blogspot.com/ Laurens Verdonkschot

      What about 'ass-fingering', how is this 'characterised'?

      • http://topologyoftheimpossible.com M. Kitchell

        ass-fingering is characterised as AWESOME

    • Ms. Pants

      Some of us prefer it to head, thankyouverymuch.

    • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

      The fake nose itch is a move I fully endorse. 

      Can't decide if I'm happy or sad that I didn't read 'finger-blast' anywhere.

      • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

        Screw that, I go for the full on lick my finger like a popsicle.

    • Penny

      I'd like to add my thoughts about fingering, being a woman and normally receiving it from men (usually only one at a time). I LOVE it. It's partly testing the waters, as you say. If a man is bad at kissing, I don't take it further. If he's bad with his hands, it could also be a bad sign (however I have had men who were wonderful with their hands and terrible in bed). I really value a man who is good with his hands, and I sometimes even prefer a good old-fashioned fingerbang to oral.

      Part of it for me is the power thing. I love the feeling of a man touching me in just the right way, and doing in a way that leaves me begging for more. I also get off on the fact that I don't have to do anything for that moment in time except just enjoy being fingered, and give a few directions here and there. At that moment when my g-spot is being tickled just right, I'm in heaven. I like that he's detached from the experience somewhat, and getting no pleasure, just watching me. I enjoy it for the fact that it is something he is doing TO me, and for that moment, the focus is on me.

      So, he's doing it TO me, but it's not the same as if he was doing it with his dick. I enjoy the slightly taboo feeling of being manipulated (literally) like an object. Naturally, the same goes the other way, and I'm delighted to put my all into pleasuring a guy while he just sits back and takes it, before we both dive in.

      Sadly, many of the men I've slept with have been terrible with their hands. Not just at fingering, but at touching the whole area in general, and especially bad with my poor old clit. I'm fine with coaching them through it, but sometimes I'd just like something done RIGHT.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

        Be careful. If I turned a man down just based on his fingerskills I would have missed out on some of the best mouthskills ever.

    • http://www.rollerfink.blogspot.com rollerfink

      I like the formatting of this essay. Good headings. A number list. Well done. I do have a small bone to pick regarding punctuation? For example, for most of your full sentence parentheses you correctly include punctuation within the parentheses but then for “(And she can’t get pregnant)” there is nothing. Also, on some occasions you have placed your periods outside of your quotation marks. Periods and commas always go inside quotation marks, even inside single quotes. If you are American, that is. If you don't follow this rule then you are not American. Is that what you want us to think?

      • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

        nope

        • http://www.rollerfink.blogspot.com rollerfink

          A single word like this can be a sentence but it would be a little clearer if you capitalised the N and added a full stop at the end. Live and learn.

        • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

          oops, sry bb. guess i'm an idiot or sumthing :/

      • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

        I can't help but feel that, if things like this are your primary concern, there are some issues you may have that need to be resolved. I am sure that there are some numbered lists out there that might help you.

        • http://www.rollerfink.blogspot.com rollerfink

          I understand your comment. It is written clearly and punctuated well. You have not taken many risks with the layout and that's okay if you prefer the safety of a standard paragraph? But I will say your comment could have packed more punch with a few bullets or, yes, a number list.

        • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

          1) Okay.
          2) I will take your constructive criticism and I will remember it when I want to 'pack a punch' in the future.

    • Stefan

      I think the real lessons to be learned here are:

      1) people like doing various sexxxy things because it makes them feel good in some way.
      2) guys can be fingered, too.
      3) heteronormativity is boring.

      • http://www.rollerfink.blogspot.com rollerfink

        I like the layout of your comment. Number lists are easy to follow.

    • Sara David

      fingers in my vagina > penis in my vagina, just saying. fingers are dexterous and flexible, and have a much wider variety of strength and pressure to stimulate all up on my gspot, whereas penises are usually all bangin up on my cervix which gets really painful.

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