The Ones Who Don’t Change You

Flickr / Cássio Abreu
Flickr / Cássio Abreu

Life says that you’re supposed to be smarter as you grow older. The experiences teaches you and you function and adapt a certain way. With that, we often think that we know ourselves better and become more defined in our character and personality. The famous phrase “This is who I am” is uttered more often when we think we become older and wiser.

Luckily for us we live in a world where the lessons learned are mostly through the people we meet in our lifetime. Some people happen to us so we can figure ourselves out and some people happen to us to deliberately help us figure things out. The ironic thing about the human mind is that we know we are not one in the same but yet we impose the way we live and function to those around us. If something we think is good, lavish advice and thoughts are shared to those around us. Our friends and families become the so-called beneficiaries of these wisdom imparted by ourselves. But when a different version of the same wisdom is imparted to us, it isn’t always music to our ears. We cringe and then say “This is who I am”. We are most unwilling to accept what’s been said whether or not there is a lesson in that.

But if you’re lucky enough, you meet someone who understands you and accepts you for who you are. They take the trouble to understand and figure you out instead of assuming the reasons for the things you do or how you function. The chemistry is strong, the understanding is compatible and the connection is comforting. It could be a friend, a family member or a lover, they make the world a little easier to live because you don’t have to justify your actions.

Accepting someone as they are could be one of the hardest thing to do because it means also accepting everything that comes with it even when the consequences are the most inconvenient and uncomfortable. Whilst we acknowledge that no two persons are one in the same, we can most certainly conclude that two people can never agree on everything. But the amazing thing about being the one who doesn’t change you, they agree to disagree not because you cannot agree with each other but because they understand who you are and where you’re coming from.

Even when the other person completely understands you, altercations will still happen. Whilst sometimes we disagree with our closest friends, perhaps our role isn’t to change them by telling them that they’re wrong but to help them discover it for themselves in their own way. Selflessly, that change should only be because it benefits them and not ourselves. It is about putting the other person’s interest first.

The funny magic of friendship is a bond that you form over time from a connection that you share. That comforting connection allows you to open your heart to someone else that sees through you because they spend time understanding and accepting you. If you both talk enough, it’s not only about acceptance and understanding, but this person somehow always manage to give you a fresh and different perspective to the whys. These are the lessons and experiences that unknowingly shapes us when we too are figuring ourselves out at the same time.

We will have friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. It means that sometimes we meet people for a specific reason and then they leave. Some stay for a longer period and stick by you through a season of your life. And then you have those rare few who accepts you for who you truly are, they understand the reasons for your thoughts and actions, but they constantly challenge you with a fresh new perspective because they have every part to play in who you become each day and future days to come – and those are blessings. Are you the one who doesn’t change those around you?

“The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. The once in a lifetime kind of people” – Unknown TC mark

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