The Main Reason A Relationship Loses Its Spark

Pavel Badrtdinov
Pavel Badrtdinov

Relationship’s are complex, amazing and exciting, so why can they lose their spark?

Most of the time the transition is so gradual and slight that you can wake up one day and realise that the relationship you have has lost… well… something.

So what is the number one reason that a relationship goes stale? Well it boils down to a common act, which we are all guilty of to some extent: Complacency.

Becoming complacent is inherently linked to comfort and laziness.

In fact, it is very common for long-term couples to become complacent in the knowledge that you are in a monogamous relationship and that is how it will stay. We end up taking our partners for granted and become lazy. We get into a boring daily routine, with a certain predictability.

There are two routes of complacency which mean it deserves the title of #1 biggest mistake in a relationship:Loss of growth in the relationship and loss of growth in yourself.

With yourself, the usual line of thinking goes something like… ‘they say they’ll love me no matter what, that I’m beautiful and love me just the way I am.’ This is genuinely fantastic, until the point where you begin to care less about yourself, do less of the things you love and start losing confidence, all of which make you feel worse.

It is that shift in self-valuing energy which is noticeable.

When we let our own energy slip, attraction slips – you suddenly rely solely on one person to make you feel attractive: you are no longer independently attractive.

The unfortunate truth is that when the relationship shifts from choosing/wanting each other, to needing to be together – the excitement dissipates very quickly. This ultimately results in the decline of spontaneity, spark and eventually, happiness.

Continually invest and evolve to get out of ‘the rut’

Instead of becoming too comfortable and losing the romance and excitement, we should aim to continually invest in our relationship, as well as ourselves.

Simply put: we value more what we invest in. When we take care of something, look to improve and look after, we become more attached to it. This is the same with relationships, and as soon as we start neglecting ourselves and the relationship, you inadvertently care less.

To avoid losing ‘the spark’, we need to continually evolve and grow, surprise your partner on occasion and show them that you are growing as a person. Always look for new ways to improve and evolve your relationship.

Look after yourself: keep healthy, treat yourself to a nice outfit, enjoy your hobbies and time with friends and family, and generally make yourself feel attractive, happy and confident.

Keep that passion for life. Life is about balance and continual growth, maintain your strength and confidence in yourself.

Continue to love and look after yourself and never let go of all those things that make you great. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog