Tattoos have become more and more popular with the youth of today, particularly young women. So in order not to offend this growing group of illustrated women, here’s a list of ten must-says to direct at them.
“I don’t like girls with tattoos. That would look better if you had a penis.”
This is true of everything, more or less.
“I don’t like girls with tattoos.”
This is good if you want a girl with tattoos to know that you don’t like her.
“This is none of my business, I mean, it’s your body, but for your next tattoo you should totally get my face, but with a mustache, and, like, glasses? Sort of like Trotsky, yeah. Yeah, get a tattoo of me as Trotsky.”
This only works with girls who have the right body.
“That’s great that you have tattoos, as you’re already hideous and from a physiological standpoint have nothing left to lose.”
We all know that once it’s become obvious that you’re ugly, your body is a canvas for any free-for-all of bodily mutilation you can imagine.
“I didn’t know you were into Baha’i!”
When you’re talking to a girl and notice sacred Eastern religious markings inked along her body, it’s a good idea to engage her in serious theological discussions about the nature of apostatism in the Islamic community. If she says, “Uh, it just looked cool,” she’s lying. She badly wants to discuss religion with you.
“Oh, cool! Hindi! What does it say?”
You’ll get an answer. Trust me.
“I bet you got it for a stupid reason.”
This is usually true.
“Did you get that phrase in Greek tattooed on your shoulder because it was the last thing your father, a professor of classics at a state university, said before he ran out on you and your siblings, never to be seen again? No? Just making sure.”
This one is good if you’re worried about hurting her feelings with the last one.
“Your kids better get fucking tattoos that look just fucking like that. If they don’t, remember, I’m out there. I’m keeping track of your every move. IF those kids, if those fucking bastards, if they’re not marked up like you are, then just remember, remember, I’m out there, and I’m making sure, making sure, that these kids get their tattoos. Got it?”
This one is self-explanatory.