Have you ever met a guy and thought to yourself right away “ooh he’s fine as hell but he looks like bad news?” Yeah, me too. And then I’d jump head first and naked into a labyrinth of drama and heartache, even though I should’ve known better. It took getting hurt by too many men over too many years to finally learn that lesson.
Now that I apply this knowledge to my life, I’ve had some people tell me that I’m too hard on a person when I first meet them and that I’m “judgey.” There’s a difference between trusting your gut instinct and being judgmental. I’m not purposely looking for something wrong, I’m just leaning into myself and listening to that small voice, that internal compass we all have but don’t always use. Learning to trust your first instinct is a sign of maturity. I’m glad to say I’ve finally evolved there.
I recently met a man that didn’t seem like bad news at all, in fact quite the opposite. He’s a young doctor, very attractive, intelligent, cool sense of humor, and there was a hot mutual attraction between us.
We started chatting about relationships and he told me that he had never been in love. Pause.
I started asking more questions and he shared that he didn’t believe in falling in love until he decides he will marry the woman. He said the reason divorce rates are so high is because people get married without actually being in love. I disagreed and said it’s quite possible to grow apart and fall out of love with a person whom you once loved. But he was adamant in his belief that if you fall out of love, you were never in love, to begin with. Pause.
Agree to disagree?
I thought about this later and realized, this man is emotionally unavailable. In the past, I would have loved to make this a personal project of mine to find out why he’s like this, what life experiences made him be this way, and take on the challenge to change this. And this is why I’ve wasted a lot of time on the wrong men.
Fast forward to our next conversation. I told him that I was a bit thrown off by his aloofness. I told him that I’m usually good at figuring people out but he’s hard to read and I can’t tell if the indifference is disinterest on his part. His response was “I’m a Gemini, we’re never the same on a given day.” Pause.
Even though astrology can be polarizing and controversial at times, one thing I know for sure is that a person who is aware and takes ownership of their zodiac sign’s characteristics (like me, all Leo all day), then obviously, it has relevance in this case.
I dated a Gemini for 4 years in my early twenties. He was actually a really great guy, just not The One for me. But here’s what I know off the top of my head about Geminis. They tend to be hot and cold. And here’s what I know about me, I can’t be in a relationship of any kind with a person like that. It won’t serve me. It will only frustrate me. For this reason, it doesn’t make sense to continue to see “where this will go.” My free time is limited and therefore I don’t have time to waste. More importantly, I’ve learned to love myself and I love myself too much to purposely set myself up for frustration.
But the takeaway here is that I finally know myself enough to know when to cut off something before it goes too far. Before I end up investing time and energy dating him and getting intimate with him, because he literally told me “this is who and how I am.” I appreciate that. Too many times we ignore the flagrant signs or just basic facts right in front of us. Oftentimes a person will tell you, if not show you, who they are, very early on. We just need to have the wisdom to pay attention, pause and figure out is pursuing this the right choice for me? Will this serve my highest self? Will this fulfill me? Is this worth investing myself and my time?
If the answer is no, then move the hell on. I wish this guy the very best, but I’d rather continue to be single than waste time on this “hot and cold” Gemini that may look great on paper and in the flesh but isn’t compatible with this hot and spicy Lioness right here.