To all those women who used to be the ‘uncool’ kids at high school, those who didn’t have the looks, didn’t have boys ask them out or the pretty girls let them hang out with them…Now, despite being beautiful, fully grown, young women – you still have scars left from the exclusion, perhaps bullying or ruthless rejection. I’m not sure how universal these notions are..but this is what I still feel..and will continue to feel for the rest of my life, because these painful experiences have shaped me into who I am today. Strangely I’m grateful for this dose of empathy and sensitivity.
1. When someone pays you a compliment – first you wonder if they are joking, then when you realize they aren’t, you wonder if they just maybe have very low standards…or it must be pity.
2. When someone pays you a compliment — soon after the preliminary thoughts that go through your head mentioned above, you struggle to find a proper response. You disagree with their observation, but self-deprecation is no longer an acceptable form of small-talk…yet saying ‘thank you’ would imply you agree….and it’s not only about sounding arrogant..you simply..and strongly feel that what they are saying is untrue.
3. When a guy asks you out — again, you think he’s messing with you — when you realize he’s serious, you wonder…why me?
4. When you meet people after years of not seeing each other, they seem shocked to see how you’ve turned out, in disbelief they question you what you’ve done to look this way. You don’t know whether to feel insulted of pleased.
5. The ‘cool’ kids who never gave you the time of day, suddenly want to meet up and catch up after checking out our facebook profile. You feel like you finally get the recognition you never received in high school.
6. You know you’ve changed for better and that you’ve grown..but despite being aware of your improved looks and ability to appear confident, you’re still insecure about every single flaw and you start each day by making sure nobody else sees them.
7. You may have learnt how to accept yourself, but you’re still nowhere near loving yourself.
8. You may have come across and been with many wonderful men, but somehow you can’t commit out of the in-grown fear of rejection and abandonment. You expect every man you’re with to find someone better and prettier than you, it’s just a matter of time really…so you end things first — you might be depriving yourself of true love, but hey, at least your ego is still intact.
9. You often overdress to hide the imperfections or to feel confident when walking into a room full of people…most of the time you lose sight of the nuances of appropriate attire, merely because you still have that built in insecurity.
10. Nevertheless, some days, you will get up, look in the mirror and think, hey, not too shabby today..I guess I’m not ugly after all…and those days you believe in those nice words you’ve been hearing ever since your ‘transformation’, because sometimes it’s okay to like yourself.