1. You have a job somewhere I want to work.
2. You might give me a free tattoo.
3. You have “420 friendly” in your bio.
4. I like your dog.
5. You’re Facebook friends with someone I’m trying to make jealous.
6. My friend likes you and is not on Tinder.
7. You look like a handsome serial killer.
8. You’re 18.
9. You’re South African.
10. I want to see if you swiped right as well.
11. You look like you’ll buy me beer.
12. You look like someone I’m already obsessed with.
13. You’re a ginger (but not one of the gross ones).
14. You can get me into shows for free.
15. You’re holding a gun in your profile pic.
16. You don’t live ten million miles away.
17. I’m bored.
18. I’m horny.
19. I’m both.
20. You’re tall.
21. You’re a distant cousin’s husband and I’m compiling evidence.
22. You look like a “provider”.
23. You’re a bartender.
24. Your name is not Josh or Nick.
25. You’re wildly sexy.
26. We went to high school together and I just want to catch up.
27. You’re a total Chad and I’m after an ego boost.
28. You mention Dick Wolf in your bio.
29. You are sans children.
30. You’re a chef.
31. You have a full head of hair.
32. You hint at emotional unavailability.
33. You’re an EMT or fireman.
P.S. If I super like you it was an accident. I would never super like anyone to keep up the illusion that I am an apathetic ice princess ready to fulfill your wildest manic pixie dreams.