She constantly asks every person who shows her even the most meagre of affection this question: “Are you going to say?” Needy, it may seem, but the past taught her not to be too trusting, that words are often used as weapon to lure someone then destroy them in the end, that words hold so much power much like a dagger through the heart. And of course they will respond with: “No baby, I am here to stay.” But she will just nod in agreement even when she knows deep inside her there is doubt constantly gnawing at her. She will hope that this time it will be different. How hard would it be to love her? She will risk herself to be cut open once more, and try to find beauty from all the scars that plagued her heart. Whispering unto it, “try once more.” But they will all leave eventually. They will leave her with shrapnel of the bomb that exploded a little too soon.
And she is back to square one, bent and broken – but is still breathing. She will crawl her way out of it, the last taking longer than the one preceded it. She loses herself to each one of them; she gave love with little in return sometimes none at all. She will tell herself she is fine. It is the lie she repeats day in and day out, that maybe if she believes it hard enough, she will be actually, in the simplest sense of the word – okay.
But she never will be.
There will always be something missing.
Yes, there will be days that she could smile and put on her bravest face. There will be times when her laughter will be so contagious the world will forget her brokenness for a moment. But then as the night comes, as her body succumbs to exhaustion there it is once more, her even present companion – misery.
And you will try to fix her. Oh boy, yes you will try, hard. Hard enough, that you would actually believe you could. But she is broken for a reason and you should never cage her into that one description. She is broken, but she is other things too. She is loyal, she is kind – she is beautiful. Never say “I love that broken girl…” Instead say, “I love that girl…” Because she is a girl who need not be placed alongside negative adjectives such as broken, depressed, manic, delusional – she is a girl. A girl who can love you like no other.
Say “I love that girl…”
I love that girl who refused to be fixed because honestly there is nothing to fix. Maybe brokenness is just a part of who she is but never her whole persona.
I love that girl who could paint a grey sky yet I still feel enamoured by her. How she let out a heartfelt laugh when jumping through the puddles after the downpour
I love that girl who wouldn’t give me half baked truths and sugar-coated lies. Because she knows how painful it is to be lied to.
I love that girl who is living her life one day at a time, seeing everything for the first time, because she is well aware that tomorrow is but borrowed times.
No one said it would be easy, no one said it wouldn’t entail sacrifices, no one said no one will get hurt along the way. But aren’t all great love stories cause tremendous pain one way or another? If it hurts, then it is raw and true.
Love her. Adore her. Have faith in her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. See things her way, and let her see things in yours. Be content with her. Be proud of her. Shout it to the world. Look at her as if she was the materialization of a beautiful dream. Want her. Need her. She is as worthy as everyone else. Take a chance. Take that leap of faith. Fill the void in her heart, because maybe you are the only one missing to make her whole again. And maybe, she’ll be the love you’ve constantly prayed for.