Eugenio Volpe

Articles by
Eugenio Volpe

An Open Letter To Skyy Vodka

Your vodka gives the woman everything she’s ever wanted or needed: a ripping, utilitarian buzz allowing her to function at work. She makes $15 an hour selling wallpaper at a paint store. A typical liter of Skyy cost $23.95. That’s just two hours of slinging rolls (after taxes and health insurance).

Mr. Mouth Eats a Wade Boggs Dribbler

Staring down at her flaming red thicket, I didn’t know where to begin. I felt tragically overwhelmed, like the time I tried benching 140lbs in front of my father. I closed my eyes and began licking willy-nilly. I was ballparks from any so-called G-spot.