I have been lied to countless times, I have had my heart ripped out more than once, I have had my friends stolen from me and I have been told I was inadequate in so many ways, all by the same guy… and I still went back to him. This is the ranting of a twenty something, independent, financially stable girl who decided against every logical thought in her brain to return to the one guy who made her feel all sorts of crappy. Why? Because somewhere along the way, society told me that my only value as a girl came from the size of my jeans.
I am no size zero, heck I am not even a size ten, so when I found out a cute guy liked me the same way I liked him, I was over the moon. But I knew the second we broke up, that it was for the best. We had nothing in common and we definitely had different priorities in life. But like every curvy girl you’ll meet can tell you, it still sucks losing a guy who made you feel beautiful when the rest of the world didn’t.
As your ex goes from one girl to the next, your loneliness is a constant reminder that love is an elusive thing for bigger girls. Even when you get dressed up and go out, there’s always that chance that not a single guy will look your way. And then you wonder, what if he was it? What if that was the only guy who was ever going to love you? It’s a terrible thought process, telling yourself it’s okay to go back to someone who never really respected you, but it’s something that happens to the best of us.
But girls, let me tell you, it is NOT worth the few seconds he makes you feel beautiful, for the hours you spend crying and forgiving him because he thinks he can always come back to you, when he can’t find someone better. And every time you think about calling him, repeat after me….
I AM BEAUTIFUL. I am not a number on a scale. I am not just the size of my dress. I am my actions, my thoughts, my creativity, my laughter, my joy. I am worth so much more.
Promise me, okay?
Because I’m tired of feeling like a last resort and I don’t want any girl to feel the way I do now.