Life is held together by the simplest of moments that evolve into a story of cherished memories. Like the way you caressed my body under the covers. Like the way you would hold me in your sleep. Like the way you brushed the hair away from my face before you kissed me. Like the way you told me you loved me as my head rested on your chest, intoxicated on an overwhelming feeling of happiness and comfort, as well as the wine in our system. Like the sound of your laughter in the sunlight, as if the universe, which is not always so giving, had let this one moment slip through the cracks.
I’d be a fool not to see the magic in these moments. It was not the way you look, which is incredibly handsome, but the way you are. I could have fallen in love with you with my eyes closed.
But you never loved me the way I loved you.
One day, you just stopped holding me close to you under the covers. You stopped brushing my hair away from my face and kissing me. You stopped letting me sleep on your chest. I guess you figured we were better off as friends, and that’s okay; at least you were still a part of my life, a friend who would grab a coffee at a moment’s notice, who would sit and talk with me about philosophy and religion, music and culture, your story and my story, anything and everything. And I was happy.
But then you fell in love with her.
You would ask me to coffee, and spend hours talking about her. You would invite me out and then have her come along, making me feel like a third wheel. It hurt, it did, but not as much as not being around you. So I let this cycle continue. You may think you have to be a little more cautious around me when you speak about her, but I just want you to know this.
Despite what happened with us, all I want is for you to be happy.
You may think that’s not possible, that I’m biased and I want you to be as hurt as I am, but it’s not true. I love you enough to want you to be happy, and if it’s not with me, that’s alright; you are the only person whose happiness I have ever wanted to put before my own.
And so I wish for patience, grace and the strength to let you love her. I don’t want to alter your life and your joy because of what I feel and what I want.
So don’t think I’m jealous. Don’t think I have ulterior motives when I ask you to hang out. You’re still one of my best friends, despite how we ended. Our friendship is the most tangible fairy tale I’ve ever experienced.
So I will continue to sit and listen as you tell me how you love her. I will smile when you tell me kissing her sends a spark through your body, despite me still feeling the sparks on my lips when you once kissed me. I will gladly help you find the perfect gift for her “just because.” Because seeing you happy makes me happy, and isn’t that what love is?