You wake up from your longest sleep, yet it seemed like you slept for only an hour. Your mind starts ticking the moment you are awake and you get this massive migraine as you unclench your jaw as you unknowingly proceed to clench it again. Your stomach starts to knot as you try to get up because you need to get on with the day, but deep inside all you want to do is cover yourself and sleep the entire day.
You don’t want to be disturbed. You want a blank mind or at least something that would make you smile, but every single life event or activity makes you want to sink deeper under the covers. You ignore text messages and even so as a few new messages start popping up, your body gets into a cold rush of shivers not knowing what it would be even though it’s just a harmless hello from a dear friend. Clearly people still care about your well-being if they’re asking you out for lunch, but being in the current situation that you are, you just want to be left alone. You don’t want to be a bother to others. After succeeding from escaping another conversation, you feel all right but at the same time alone.
Anxiety makes you feel like everything you say to someone makes no sense to them. It makes you over-judge yourself when clearly no one is even thinking about it. Anxiety makes you feel like you’re a disappointment to others when you make a mistake even if it is small, and this leads to heavy planning and trying to avoid that from happening again and again by excessively punishing yourself. When you tell others about your anxiety they sympathize. Some may console you, but in your mind you think all they want you to do is grow up and stop this phase cause clearly you’re a nuisance to their life. Most of the time you hide it so hard from others so you won’t seem attention-seeking when clearly all you want to do is run away.
Anxiety makes you feel like you’re worth nothing even after the multiple attempts at trying to fix things; even when you succeed you still feel like you’re not good enough. This makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world trying to fix everything and others are not. Anxiety is that insomnia that stops you from sleeping every night even if you have someone by your side to comfort you because it works like a brick wall that blocks out everything that tries to fight its plan to hurt you more.
Anxiety is like a glass bubble. It’s invisible in that you can still see the people around you, yet you cannot hear that their voices are trying to help you. Anxiety makes you feel like the loneliest person in the world because anxiety is shit and it wants to make you feel that way, too.