First of all, let’s be honest, we should stop referring to our purses as such. They’re suitcases. Suitcases that barely meet airline’s “carry-on” requirement.
My daughter is almost five and it seems like the number of kid things inside the purse multiply as she gets older. She even carries her own little tote, yet somehow, mine becomes a mini toy store. Until recently.
I tried to pay the Starbucks barista with a Build-a-Bear rewards card because obviously my debit card had fallen to depths beyond my immediate reach. After this, I knew it was time. Time to empty out the beast. So what did I find?
1. Rocks: Not unique stones of unique, bold colors and natural shine … Granite rocks that cover every square inch of every rocky driveway everywhere.
2. Wood chips: No I don’t lug my “suitcase” to the playground. See above. One-of-a-kind. Sometimes, I think a rock and wood chip truck would give the ice cream man a run for his money. If I ever start one, scouts honor, I’ll play better music. #turndownforwhat
3. Juice boxes: If you’re lucky they’re full, but most of the time, they’re not. And the straw has dislodged itself from that little hole. Always slides out quicker than it goes in, right?
4. Snacks: Well, morsels of several snacks that add up to one hearty treat.
5. Crayons: Of the unsharpened variety. Sure, I have pens in there. Somewhere. “Excuse me, sir, can I sign this document with a flat-headed Crayola? It’s aquamarine.”
6. Tissues, napkins, paper towels, etc: Usually these fit into 3 basic categories based on level of cleanliness: 1. I could use that on my face 2. Mayyybe a quick hand wipe 3. Only if there’s an emergency droppage on the floor.
7. Wine corks: I don’t know who pulled the evil stunt of putting these in my purse because the last thing I need is the remnants of a J. Lohr cab staring me in the face when I’m trying to find quarters for parking.
8. Barbie shoes: Why can’t this floozie ever remember all of her belongings when she returns home?
9. Little human shoes: I’m actually pretty proud that there’s usually a pair, even if they don’t match, I’m batting .300 on having both a right and left.
10. A small library: I could basically run story time from the back of my Explorer. Tailgate for toddlers.