1. You drink milk right from the carton … we eat ice cream right from the box (and by ice cream I mean wine. Ok. Ice cream AND wine)
2. We both visit Target … you because there’s beer and electronics and floor mats all in one place. Me, well, think of it as you going to a strip club. It’s my getaway from reality. There are shiny things everywhere and I throw my money at them everytime. Ok, well I don’t really throw it, but I’d like to, since I plan on spending $20 and they dazzle me in to $200.
3. The trail of clothes left from the night before? So maybe they are there for different reasons … you, charmed some girl into thinking she’s a princess. Well guess what? My daughter IS a princess and she changes her clothes A LOT … we’re talking tutus and tights errrrwhere.
4. We spend a lot of time playing video games, you and I. But I play mine on the computer. And they call it Pinterest … it’s basically the same, though. I have to meticulously move things to the right places … one wrong click and my recipe gets pinned on my “quotes” board? GAME OVER. Rage. Fury.
5. We ignore our “girls” sometimes. Like if Netflix puts out a new Channing Tatum movie. Maybe it’s not “new” per-say, but I’m gonna watch it in a different area of my apartment. That’s new. Oh, you don’t do that? Soooo why do you ignore girls then?
6. Our mirror time is similar … I’m trying to see if my Hello Kitty tattoo is still on my shoulder. You want to see if those protein shakes are defining your traps better. Hint: carry all your grocery bags in one trip. When you master that, borrow a kid, carry him AND all your grocery bags in one trip (works wonders, you’ll be Hulk-like in no time).
7. When non-single friends see our bachelor/princess pads for the first time, and they have that wall-envy going on … you know what I mean … your dudes are in awe of all the scantily clad chics adorning the space above your bed (they probably have a boring headboard that their wife saw on Pinterest and OMG had to have it). My ladies get all starry eyed about my “pops of pink” in every room and life quotes from floor to ceiling.
8. Overflowing laundry? Sink full of dishes? Ain’t nobody got time for that.