Am I Too Much, Am I Not Enough?

I’m about to leave the world where it keeps telling me that I’m too much or I’m not enough

Too much for dreaming big

Too much for being loud

Too much for giving the love I wouldn’t own

Not enough for settling down

Not enough for being the “one” they expect me to be

Not enough for the love they deserve

I want to kill my feelings and emotions once and for all

Because it’s easy to become numb, become emotionless

Feeling alive to get things done

Feeling alive to get to connected to larger social circles

Feeling alive to do the things I love

But never for the deeper connection and intimacy

Because after all of the fantasies that they could offer, they will torn you apart

No matter how much I give

I’m always too much and not enough for some people

Like a person watching over the sunrise so bright every morning and the shining stars every night, whispers

“Oh, they are beautiful but I cannot reach them, I cannot take them in my own hands”

I’m destined to love a person this way

To see them afar without touching them

To just simply appreciate how they are shining so bright in the midst of darkness

No matter how I tried to be the best version of myself during the day, the night always fails me

I learned to fear the darkness of the sky

It tells me that the time has come, the time to start thinking about you

It makes me scary how the night makes me so uncomfortable

I feel the ghost, chasing behind my back – that was me chasing after your presence

Oh night, you make me so vulnerable

You make so lonely

You make so sad

Oh night

How I hate you so