Yes, if you can take a step back from the utter heartbreak, the river of tears and the feeling of complete loss there is much to be thankful for after being dumped. As a recent dumpee myself, I can relate to the initial shock of a breakup followed by days of endless tears and the gut-wrenching feeling of your heart being ripped in half and stomped on. I can understand feeling utterly alone, upset, and confused by watching something that was seemingly perfect being swallowed up into a black hole. I can empathize with the frustration of emotions swinging from love-struck nostalgia one minute to straight up pissed off, angry the next. Trust me- I have embodied every stage, phase and emotion of being dumped. However, there is something I’m growing to understand each day that has passed since the breakup- that there are many things to be grateful for amongst the pain.
If you’re sick of drowning yourself in memories of all of the perfect times you shared together in love, or sickened by having tear ducts that you are amazed still produce tears after what feels like an ocean has been cried, and straight up done with ruing over a past you can’t change while dealing with a present you never expected, than heed these 8 reasons why you should be grateful he dumped you:
1. You become more Independent
And isn’t that what every girl strives for? Not saying there aren’t lots of successful, happy and truly independent girls in relationships out there, but for many of us, especially in young adulthood, it becomes increasingly easy to grow dependent on the person you are dating due to the fact that you do not yet truly know who you are. Your identity becomes so easily caught up in the other person that part of you is lost and therefore, your self-sufficiency suffers. After a breakup, you re-learn to rely on yourself entirely. When you can get you through shitty days at work on your own, or find a way to pay your rent amongst a layoff, or enduring an utterly lonesome breakup, then you can get through any un-forseen obstacle that life will inevitably throw your way. Being independent is one of the most empowering feelings one can possess that will trickle over into every other aspect of your life and strengthen it.
2. You attain complete Freedom
While you always have the freedom to follow your dreams, relationships often hold you back because the love you have for the other person outweighs your dreams. However, now that you’re single you can make that cross-country move you’ve always dreamed about, you can take up that highly competitive career that you were always scared you wouldn’t have time for, and you can say “yes” to anything else that may arise in your life that you probably would have say “no” to before. I’ve always had a crazy travel bug and my recent single status has allowed me to finally make the huge move to California that I’ve been needing to do for a while. You would be astounded by how many opportunities you pass by, without even realizing, when you’re priorities are tied down with someone else.
3. You possess more Time
Time seems to be the most precious thing, next to money that we, as humans possess on earth. Time is a sacred thing and having an immensely higher amount of time allows you to use it for things that you love. You finally have the time to take up training for that marathon you’ve always wanted to run or teaching yourself that foreign language you never thought you’d get around to. However, don’t let this vast amount of time that you attain go to waste with endless hours of Netflix, binge drinking or frivolous activities. Use this precious time to do what makes you happy, because your happiness is what will propel you to that next stage of your life and ultimately that next relationship.
4. You get to focus on the other Important Relationships in your life
It’s easy for people to get so caught up in their lover that they forget about the people who have and will always be there for them- their friends and family. These relationships are the unshaken ones, these are the people who will always be a shoulder to cry on and will consistently be a part of your life. Savor the extra time you get to spend with them, not only before you date again, but if they are single then before they date or get married. We all know marriages and kids inevitably change your friendships, so do all the crazy, single-life, friend things you can now! And be truly appreciate for these people who have been there at your worst and your best, through your ups and your downs, yet still accept and love you just the same. They will be the ones you travel through life together with and you never want to take them for granted.
5. You become a Stronger, more Resilient Person
If you let adversity shape you and mold you instead of letting it defeat you, you are guaranteed to become a stronger person in the end. The most heart-wrenchingly painful experiences and difficult struggles of our lives are the things that grow us into the strongest people with time. Don’t let the breakup and the loss of the other person defeat you. Instead, use it to propel yourself into a healthier, more well-rounded, wiser, and loving person. Take the things that your ex taught you throughout your time together to help you grow as an individual. I promise that with time you will be a more resilient person and will be better equipped to handle future adversities.
6. You Re-Prioritize Your Life
Where were your priorities before? Probably with them. That is the nature of love. But now is your time to re-evaluate what you are doing with your life. Are you where you want to be? Are you doing what you love? Are you surrounding yourself with people you thrive from? Are you constantly learning and developing into the type of person you strive to be? Most likely some, if not all of these questions would truthfully be answered with a “no” right after a breakup. But the good thing is, now you are able to take a step back and able to see the bigger picture. You can set your priorities straight again and take strides towards achieving your life goals and dreams.
7. You aren’t Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Person
This is probably the hardest pill to swallow, but the most liberating when you accept it. That “love of your life” is not the love of your life. There’s a reason you got dumped and it’s because their feelings and their heart changed over time. Even if you had your wedding planned out in your mind and saw your future kids running around the house, your ex stopped at some point in time. While you may have felt your relationship was perfect and impenetrable, they started to have their doubts. And while no one wants to feel the sting of un-requited love, once you accept that they no longer want to be with you, you have the freedom to move on. Life is too short to waste with someone who doesn’t completely adore, appreciate and love you in every aspect. The best thing you can do for someone you no longer love is to let them go. While we don’t want to believe it when we are on the receiving end of a breakup, many of us have been in the opposing role of letting someone that we cared about go because we were no longer in love with them. In a way, it’s the most selfless thing someone could do for someone else. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and want just as badly to be with you as you want to be with them. I know often times that most dumpings aren’t done with the correct tact, understanding or empathy, but the end result is the same. So now you’re free! You’re free to ultimately find that right person instead of wasting your precious time with the wrong person.
8. You get to Re-Discover Yourself
This is by far the most impactful and beautiful reason of all; Self-Discovery. You lose your self to some degree with every relationship you enter into, and often times the longer the relationship, the higher need there is for self-discovery post breakup. You get to re-connect with the hobbies, the people, and the adventures that lit your soul on fire and put a spark into your eyes. You also get to explore the new passions you didn’t even know existed previously. Self-love provides a new sense of confidence, acceptance and happiness that will radiate to those around you and attract others who are similar in spirit. However, the most wonderful part of discovering yourself again is that you will find that these buried passions of yours, along with the newly surfacing ones will provide you with more joy, fulfillment and purpose than your lover ever did and more passion than any relationship can provide you. You will realize that the love you found synonymous with that person was inside of you the entire time.