Our First Love And Last Love Is Self Love


I have been trying to decide what my first blog should be about, and it was evidently clear. It needs to be about self love.


Because it is all that matters. It dictates everything that happens in our life, it dictates how we feel about ourselves, other people, and circumstances. It influences who we draw into our lives and the situations that we create (because we create everything – this is a topic we will explore through my blog). It is the in and the out; the before and the after; the above and the below, of everything.

Well then, what is self love? ( I know what your thinking…. And no, it’s not that 😉 )

According to Google, self love is the feeling of excessive pride. Oh Google!! How could you be so wrong! It is not about excess, or about pride.

It is about a healthy level of love and respect for ourselves. To see ourselves as ‘enough’. To treat ourselves like we are a precious human being. Most people have the “I’m not good enough” script running on repeat through their heads. Why? We are ALL good enough. Every. Single. One of us.

We spend so much time ripping ourselves to shreds in our minds. Have you ever noticed how many negative thoughts you have about yourself each day compared to positive thoughts?

Now imagine saying all those negative things, to a child. Would you ever dare? It would be child abuse to say some of the things I used to say to myself. Yet we continue to abuse ourselves with our thoughts, day in, day out.

So how do we start loving the bejeezas out of ourselves?

Step One: Never EVER self attack.

Never speak badly to yourself, or of yourself. Speak to yourself as you would a child. With love, tenderness and gentleness. If you find this hard at first, think of the person that you love the most in the world. It could be a partner, a friend, a sibling, a grandparent, a spiritual leader. What would you say to them if they had self-depreciating thoughts? How would you console them? I am willing to bet it would be with love and care. Why are they worthy of being spoken to like that, yet you don’t extend yourself the same courtesy? We are all equal, we all deserve love.

Step two: Change your thoughts.

Acknowledge that just because it is in your head, doesn’t mean that it’s true. I might see myself as too tall (this was one of my thoughts). But am I? Who is to say? I couldn’t find one person to agree with me on this one, not one person in my world thought that I was too tall. So, where is the truth? Is it in my perception? Well, there is no universal ‘truth’. Only perception, and perceptions are just opinions, and opinions can be changed.

By looking at our thoughts as opinion, rather than truth, we strip them of their power over us. So if it is just a thought, it can be changed.

In the end, who does it serve for you to be disempowering yourself? Who benefits?

Step three: Become self reliant.

As nice as it is to have the support of loving people around us, we cannot rely solely on that. The only person that we can guarantee we will spend our entire lives with, is ourselves. We need to be that loving partner, that supportive best friend, the caring parent that we look for in others, to ourselves . Then our sense of self love will always be within us. Nothing that happens on the outside can ever take away what we have built on the inside. Self love with then radiate from us, influencing every thing that we do. It will attract us the right partner, the perfect job with the perfect boss, a picture of health, a great circle of friends, the money that we desire. If we are being nasty to ourselves, we feel bad, and therefore can’t create what it is that we want. Use the support that you have to help you reach self love, but don’t use it to replace self love.

What will it take for you to want to change? Remember the only person that you can change is you, and I challenge you to change now. Right this second!

This will take practice. Be gentle with yourself as you go. At times you will fall off the wagon. Gently and lovingly pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and tell yourself “I can do this. I am worth it”.

What does your self love practice involve? Please share your thoughts and your insights in the comments below, and if you know someone that could benefit from this, please share the love! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Erin Kyna is a Melbourne-based meditation teacher and life coach on a mission: she’s
passionate about helping her clients gain Buddhist-monk-peaceful minds, a deliriously
happy soul, and a crystal clear clarity for what they want out of life.

Keep up with Erin on Twitter and erinkyna.com

More From Thought Catalog