I’ve Always Had This Crown

Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had this crown.

Sometimes I wore it, like for birthdays or parties, but mostly it was like my own version of an invisible cape.

You see, I knew it was there, but other people couldn’t see it. They could feel that I knew I was special, however, and this would sometimes create confusion.

“Why does she think she’s special,” I’m sure they were thinking. “It’s not like she has a crown.”

Sometimes I’d let these people and their doubt convince me that I didn’t have a crown, even though I knew in my heart that I did. I’d begin to miss my crown, even though it hadn’t left my head. I’d get angry and sad, because without my crown I didn’t feel special, but my it was there — it hadn’t left, I was still special. I’d curse at myself, “How could I lose my crown?” as if it wasn’t right where I left it on my head. I believed the people who doubted me so much, I began to fully forget that the it was there.

You see, when you wear a crown, you have a lot of responsibility to yourself and to others. You must be accountable for your actions; you must act like a leader. Since my crown was gone, there was no need to be accountable, and so I wasn’t. I allowed my anger and my sadness to lead me, instead of the gentle compassion that I’d had with my crown.

Until I met some people who couldn’t see the crown but saw I knew my way around a diamond. To these people, me having a knowledge of jewels was impressive enough that they expected me to act like I had a crown. “These people expect a lot from me,” I often thought, “but I think I can pretend to be who they think I am.” So what I thought was pretending was actually training.

“Stand tall, shoulders back, walk with grace, smile kindly, prioritize goals, make decisions, listen to understand, communicate clearly, express opinions, be polite…. be a leader”

I knew what to do, because remember, the crown really never left. I had just forgotten it was there. After a while, I became more confident in my actions and would often walk down to the beach to look at the crashing ocean waves and just say, “Thank you.”

I started to feel like myself again. The me who hadn’t lost the crown. Then one day, as I was saying thank you to the calm, waveless water for bringing me through this journey, I felt something heavy on my head. As I slowly raised my hand to feel the weight, I instantly started to cry with joy. Right there, on the same beach that I had cried from sadness not too long ago, I was filled with so much joy because I felt my crown for the first time in a long time.

My crown had never left me, but that day, I could feel it.

Since that day, I’ve never forgotten my crown was there—guiding me, helping me lead, reminding me to be accountable and be an example of what confidence in oneself actually looks like.

Confidence looks like valuing yourself, showing compassion for others, having hope for the future, being courageous enough to be your authentic self, being humble, showing gratitude, and remembering you are wearing a crown.

After all, you are a child of The King.

I’m glad I found my crown, but I guess I’ve always had it the whole time. Everyone has a crown. You have yours. It’s there. I promise. If you forget where you’ve put it, just start taking the steps to be more confident and it will reveal itself to you.

You have a crown. You are special. See this in yourself and see this in others, because we can help others remember they are wearing a crown, too. TC mark

About the author
I’m an AFI MFA Producing fellow and Miss Santa Monica USA Follow Erin on Instagram or read more articles from Erin on Thought Catalog.

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