If you find yourself in New York City for more than a few hours, you’ll inevitably run into two discussions: rent prices and the best route to get from point A to point B. The latter may be a longer discussion, with disagreements based on people’s personal subway choices. I certainly have mine. Certain subway lines give off a beacon of efficiency while others remind me of the flu. So, for no other reason other than that I enjoy personifying inanimate objects, I have decided to equate each subway line with an American President.
George Washington – 123
Who is the first President you learn about? George Washington and that idiotic cherry tree story. It’s battered into your little brain between coloring and addition. And which is the first subway line you learn about when you’re a New Jersey teenager in search of adventure and underage drinking? The 123. Plus, when’s the last time you heard GW’s name-dropped in a political discussion? You won’t hear anyone say “Now he really effed up!” Much like the 123, he stays out of the limelight, for better or worse.
Abraham Lincoln – ACE
Where did Abraham Lincoln die? At the theater. Which subway line is going to bring you to the arts: The Chelsea galleries, the Broadway Theaters, the underground gay clubs. The ACE. Plus, it’s all the way to the left, as was Abe with that whole “freeing slaves” thing.
Benjamin Franklin – J/Z
Although he was never President, I felt the need to include Benjamin Franklin. Like the J/Z, Franklin is often left out and underrated. The J will bring you straight to the airport, saving you the headache of high cab fares and terrible traffic. Franklin figured out lightning. The two are unrelated until you are flying out of JFK and there is extreme lightning and you can rest assured that the pilot took a Benjamin Franklin Lightning 101 class in flying school.
FDR – 456
4 terms gets you assigned the most crowded subway. When someone’s armpit has found its way into my nostril on the sardine-packed 6 train, I too think I could contract polio. Plus, without the New Deal, most of the people riding the 456 would be street urchins. Not to mention, FDR, like the 456, traveled on wheels.