My Ex-Boyfriend Won’t Stop Stalking Me Online And I Don’t Know What To Do

Flickr - Image / booleansplit
Flickr – Image / booleansplit

I started dating Brian a few years ago. We met on Match.com and he was the kind of guy that wanted to spend over a month texting and talking online before actually meeting. We both lived in SoHo and found out that we actually lived on the same block so I thought it was even stranger that he didn’t want to meet right away, considering the vicinity to each other.

That was just the first odd occurrence in the beginning of our odd relationship and the nightmare I’m living in now.

We started dating and every so often a red flag would pop up. I had been single for over a year and I was really enjoying my time with Brian so I overlooked all of the glaring obvious signs he was a mistake. Why do we do this to ourselves? I let myself get blinded by his good qualities (sense of humor, great in bed).

It was obvious from the beginning he was obsessed with being on the internet. He told me from the beginning he was a sex addict, although not with other people, just with himself. He said he masturbated nearly 10 times a day. He was addicted to porn and being a design consultant he worked from his home office where he could basically masturbate any time he wanted to.

At first I loved that he had a high sex drive because I had always been the kind of girl who had a higher libido than anyone else I dated in the past, but I realized as we became closer that no, he was just a total weirdo. I would wake up in the middle of the night and find him in the bathroom jerking off, watching porn. He would spend hours in there. We had just had sex 6 times today, wasn’t that enough? No, he had to spend another 3 hours with himself. Okay, fine, he’s really into masturbating. I learned to accept it.

Since he worked from home he used his job as an excuse to constantly be on his computer and on social media. He would have 5+ chat screens open to different women he was talking to almost anytime I saw him online. When I would ask him who it was he was talking to he would instantly get pissed and say, “It’s none of your business. Do not ask me again.” His only friends were females and while I’ve never been the overly jealous type I just thought it was kind of strange the only people he was friends with were girls he had dated, fucked, or met on dating sites. Where were his friends from high school? College? Grad school?

Eventually, after 3 years together, we broke up. I found out he had been webcamming with over 30 girls throughout our time together. No, he didn’t physically cheat on me (that I know of) but the betrayal was just the same. He would spend 10+ hours a day with these women online. He would break off plans with me to talk to these people. It was strange and heartbreaking and as much as I tried making it work, even after finding out about his behavior, I knew I had to let him go. I’m still not sure how he ever really got any work done or how his company survived with him being so addicted to porn and online women.

After the breakup we tried staying friends. In the back of my mind I hoped it would work out between us. I have no idea why but for whatever reason I really loved him. I thought maybe if I loved him enough he would stop with all the bullshit. Finally, though, I realized I had to cut the cord so I blocked him from Facebook, Twitter, and every other site I could think of. I didn’t want to see him anymore. With Facebook alone I had to block three accounts. Yes, three accounts. He told me when we dated the reason why he had so many accounts was that they were for “different purposes” but later on I found out he did that just to be able to talk to many women and portray a certain lifestyle to certain people on each account.

What was interesting is that despite us not having talked in over 3 weeks as soon as I blocked him I began getting text messages from random numbers within just a few minutes. “What’s going on!?” “Is there something I should know about?” It was him. I told him I didn’t owe him any explanation and that although I wish we could be friends I needed to just rid him of my life. He instantly got pissed. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your time hanging with boys in cars.” He was referencing a tweet I had written the week before. We talked a little bit and I decided to unblock one of his accounts. I don’t know why. I guess I thought with one account unblocked he would cool down and hopefully leave me alone.

Last month he told me he needed money fast. He said his “right leg went bad” and that he needed help to pay for treatment. He said he he was moving in with his mom to take care of her because she was sick and he needed help. Well, I’m no idiot, I know the whole thing was a total lie.

Since then his behavior has been the same. Every month like clockwork he starts sending me messages, usually late at night, around 1 or 2 in the morning. If I don’t respond within whatever time he thinks is appropriate he gets pissed and starts sending me message after message, usually just “?????” or “Are we ignoring my messages now?” If he sends me a message and sees I’ve been tweeting or updating some other account I keep public he immediately messages me, enraged I haven’t responded to him. I’m not sure what to do.

All I want is for this man to be out of my life and despite our break up over a year ago he still keeps tabs on me on a regular basis. I just want him to leave me alone. I don’t want to have to keep my Twitter private and I want to be able to openly share my blog links without worrying about him reading them and commenting all pissed off under anonymous names. Ultimately, I want him to find peace. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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