“Want to try your cheater hat on?” This is what my ex texted me six months ago while I was laying in bed with my current boyfriend. My what? My cheating hat? Who even says that? I did not, in fact, want to try my cheating hat on. After I break up with someone I typically pretend like they’ve died, even though all of my relationships have ended as amicably as they could.
I know not everyone is like me, though. There are a lot of reasons people hook up with old exes and sex with an ex isn’t always a terrible idea but there are a few questions you should ask yourself before getting back in bed with an old flame.
How long ago did you break up?
Did you end things last night? 5 years ago? Consider the distance. Why are you thinking about hooking up? Is it simply because sex was the best part of your relationship or because you have residual emotional attachment that still lingers for this person?
How serious was it?
Were you madly in love with this person for 5 years or are they someone who casually dated for four months 3 years ago? Banging an ex you had a very serious relationship with can open up a whole can of worms neither one of you may be ready or willing to open.
Are either of you dating someone new?
If you have a new love, then honestly, why are you even considering going back to the past? Hooking up with an ex while dating someone else is only going to create problems for your new relationship. If you’re single by all means go for it but fooling around with an ex while attached to someone else likely means you’re not ready to end it for good.
Let’s be honest…how good was the sex when you were dating?
Was it the best sex of your life? Not that great? Obviously, if your ex was lousy in bed I don’t understand why you would even bother going back for gross seconds. If the sex was incredible then that’s only a 1+ on the pro/con chart of banging.
Will this mean anything when it’s over?
Let’s be real. Sometimes sex is just sex but with exes it hardly ever is. Will tonight’s orgasm lead to tomorrow’s emotional hangover of regret over brunch? Will this create a conversation of the two of you reconciling? Before you do the deed make sure to have a conversation about what this means, if anything. State your feelings, what you want (more than their naked body), and ask your partner to be honest with you. It’s okay if this is just sex but both parties should be open and realistic about what’s going on.