1. Have a high social status.
2. Look like you belong.
3. Be strong and masculine in appearance.
4. Go to a prestigious, yet small liberal arts college on the East Coast.
5. Graduate from a top business school.
6. Work out. Be chiseled. Be beautiful in a suit.
7. Drink champagne with attractive people.
8. Eat your steak rare or medium rare.
9. Have friends of many different backgrounds and ethnicities.
10. Know how to order scotch.
11. Have a strong jaw.
12. Have a business card on thick, quality paper only. Patrick Bateman style.
13. Backpack around the world for a summer at least once. Do lots of drugs. Sleep with lots of foreign women. Write some Hunter S. Thompson esque shit and submit it to Vice. When they don’t accept it, submit it to Thought Catalog. Last ditch effort, submit it to Gawker.
14. Drink hoppy craft beers.
15. Cultivate yourself as a truly interesting person so many people will want to know you. And sleep with you.
16. Have a full, thick beard.
17. Always put yourself first.
18. Own a leather briefcase.
19. Own an expensive watch.
20. Own an iPhone.
21. Become friends only with people who will better your life.
22. Learn how to cook and grill an assortment of foods.
23. Know how to drink and order very expensive wines.
24. Take your mother to church. Call her once a week to “catch up.”
25. Have a Hollywood smile. Floss every day.