12 Reasons Girls Who Are Used To Being On Their Own Have Such A Hard Time Falling In Love

Girls who are used to being on their own don’t date just to date

When they date someone, it’s because that person makes them happy and adds to their life. They don’t date passively, because they are bored or lonely or just need something to do. They wait until they meet someone who makes part of them come alive, when they meet someone who makes them say “hell yes”.

There are fewer reasons they commit

It’s not something people like to talk about, but people commit in relationships for a lot of reasons that aren’t love. They want financial security, they want someone to come home to, they’re tired of being single, they want kids. When you’re independent, the only factor that applies is whether you really, truly love this person.

They scare away men who need a woman to depend on them

There are some men who need a woman who depends on them. It makes them feel manly to be with someone who can’t problem solve or support herself financially, or who is just a lowkey damsel in distress waiting for a white knight to come and fix her life for her. Whether this is good or bad or healthy or unhealthy is irrelevant, the point is that the dating pool is just a little bit smaller than it is for other kinds of women.

They want to take things slowly

Some people want to get on the expressway to marriage and kids and what they hope will be a happily ever after. A girl who is used to being on her own doesn’t want to jump into something without testing the waters. She wants to go slowly and evaluate whether the relationship is a good fit for both parties as you move along. The goal here is happiness, not partnership for the sake of it.

They aren’t afraid to make life decisions that just aren’t conducive to a relationship

If they want to travel, they travel. If they get a job offer across the country, they take it if they want to. If they want to pour all their free time into working on their novel or training for marathons — they do it. They create a life they want to live for the simple reason that they want to live it, not because it’s conducive to meeting a guy, or inviting him along for the ride.

They can be set in their ways

Girls who are used to being on their own aren’t used to asking someone else’s opinion. It feels too much like asking for permission. It takes them a while to warm up to the idea that once they are in a serious relationship, it’s not just their own opinion that matters anymore.

She can have high standards

Chances are, if she’s used to being on her own it’s for a reason. She probably had an idea about the kind of life she wanted to live and it wasn’t something easy like settling down in the same town she grew up in or marrying the first person who offered to be serious about her. She had to sacrifice and work for whatever slice of life she decided she wanted and she isn’t likely to settle for someone who hasn’t done the same.

Even once she commits, she still requires her own time and space

She’s willing to let the right person into her life, but that doesn’t mean she’s willing to make the right person her entire life. She still needs time alone. She still needs space to make her own decisions, have her own dreams and pursue her goals. Ideally, she wants to be with someone similarly inclined — a partner who shares life with her, but has his own identity as well.

She might not like being vulnerable

She’s not used to opening herself up to judgement. Her decisions are hers, and they don’t typically affect anyone else. When she gets in a relationship and has to open up… it’s going to take some time. These girls need slow and gentle pressure to open up, someone who is patient and doesn’t expect to see them at their most vulnerable right away.

They can attract needy men

Girls who are used to being on their own pretty much have their shit together. This looks pretty attractive to people and they can be targeted by needy men or emotionally immature men who want someone to “fix” them without having to do the work themselves. A girl who is used to being on her own might even fall for this for a bit, it might seem like a challenge or a fun project, but it’s not going to lead to lasting love.

They don’t know how to play the modern dating game

They’ve been out in the world too long to understand what “Netflix + chill” is code for. They just want to be straightforward and tell someone when they like them. Oddly enough, this can make it harder to find someone because they just don’t know (or refuse to follow) “the rules”.

They won’t settle

A girl who’s used to being on her own knows what she has to offer. She isn’t looking for someone to complete her or to fulfill some kind of fantasy. She wants the real deal, a true partner in every sense of the word and she won’t fall in love until she’s sure that’s what she’s found. She’ll wait for the right one because she has built a life she’s love, one that she doesn’t have to run away from. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Erin Cossetta