14 Reasons Why It’s So Much Harder To Fall In Love As An Introvert

1. It’s dangerously easy to turn you off to an entire relationship by being too needy. If someone is demanding your attention and affirmation all the time, you’re going to get claustrophobic and pull back from them (which only spirals the negative behavior). And when you don’t know someone well, it’s easy for them to accidentally appear needy even if they’re doing something that you’ll consider normal after knowing them a bit longer.

2. You don’t *need* someone else. You want to fall in love because you want to fall in love, but there isn’t the urgency there that exists for people who need someone (anyone) to fill a void. You can afford to take your time, and sometimes this puts you on a much slower relationship track than everybody else.

3. Meeting new people SUCKS. Even though you appreciate how fun it is to talk to someone you haven’t met before and figure out what makes them tick, it’s SO ANNOYINGLY NERVE-WRACKING. It’s hard to get up the energy and desire to go on a bunch of first dates, when you could just spend time with people you already know and love or veg out somewhere by yourself.

4. You kind of forget about social interaction sometimes, which can seem like you’re playing games to people who don’t really know you. You know you didn’t respond to the their text for half a day because you went outside and didn’t want to look at your phone in order to relax, they think you’re just playing it cool. Until you get to the point where someone knows you’re social media and phone habits, you run the danger of turning them off by appearing rude or intentionally aloof.

5. No matter how good those first few dates are, the aren’t as good as the first big exhale you have after you get home and shut the door behind you. It’s confusing to be so relieved to be alone after you’ve spent time genuinely enjoying someone’s presence.

6. Your version of “quality time” is just being in the same room with someone, even if you’re both doing your own thing. You don’t need to constantly be talking, you feel connected and at peace by living your lives in close proximity. But this doesn’t work for everyone, other people can feel like you’re not connecting, or that you’re ignoring them when your together time isn’t all about the two of you doing the same thing.

7. You’re in your head a lot, so when you meet someone promising you tend to idealize them too much. It’s a lot more fun to play in the fantasy land of the future you’re picturing in your head, than it is to do the work of meeting them in person. You have a bad habit of wanting to talk to people over text too long and then inevitably being a little bit disappointed when you meet them in real life.

8. There are so many unfinished things in your life that you never quite feel ‘ready’ to invite someone else into. They’re going to see all your secret single girl things that you’ve never had to explain to anyone before because you never let anyone get close enough to see any flaws. It’s hard to be vulnerable when you’re used to having a little barrier between you and everyone else.

9. You always have to explain to people that you’re “not mad”. It’s okay to be quiet sometimes. It’s also okay to need your own space, even when you’re in love.

10. It’s hard to figure out how to let people know that the person they meet on the first date, isn’t the real picture of what you’re like in a relationship. When you’re close with someone and feel safe, it’s easy to be loud, silly, sexual, and fun — but you don’t come across as inherently bubbly when you first meet someone. You wish you could be a little less reserved on these occasions, but it’s who you are.

11. You’re always wondering if you’re coming across as interested enough without being too serious or intense.

12. You worry that you aren’t giving your partner enough affection if they’re an extrovert. It’s a battle between being able to recharge yourself, and making them feel loved. It doesn’t seem fair that with some couples, this tug-of-war never ends.

13. You hate small talk with a burning passion. It just isn’t deep and so you can’t stand it, you’d rather be talking about anything else on the planet, as long as it matters. And yet, small talk is a necessary part of dating and meeting people. You have to figure out how to be good at it, and you can’t just always override the conversation with too-serious subjects for where you’re at.

14. You’re in your head all the time, second guessing every single aspect of the relationship. The biggest obstacle you face in finding love is yourself. Your own neuroses are the cause of a lot of early on relationship conflicts because you’ve convinced yourself that something they did means something it definitely doesn’t. It’s bound to happen when you’re in your head running this stuff over and over until you figure out a way to let some of it go.