15 Men On What They Wished Every Woman Knew About Relationships

Compiled from this AskReddit thread.

1. Make both people happy.

Don’t make rules, make agreements.

2. It’s important to be affectionate.

Enjoy each other and express your joy. Couples that stay together have a much higher ratio of little happy moments in their day (saying hello, kisses, a touch on a shoulder, a smile, a compliment) vs unhappy moments compared to couples that don’t stay together. Plus it’s just nice.

3. Don’t go to bed angry.

Do not go to bed angry.

When I first wanted to get married, my relationship was not perfect and I set out to fix it the best that I could. The first thing that I learned is that is perfectly acceptable to go to bed angry.

Two people trying to resolve a disagreement when they are tired and irritable is more likely to make things worse. People think more clearly when they have had rest. In fact, sometimes going to sleep is just the thing you need to take care of an argument. The likelihood that you will still be upset when you wake up is very slim and you can talk with your partner more rationally when you need to instead of trying to force an ultimatum before bed time approaches.

4. Remember these four things.

1. If a guy hasn’t asked you out, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested. There are a ton of reasons a guy might be unable to ask you out; usually he simply doesn’t know if his interest is reciprocated. If you’re perfectly happy with the dating life and relationships you’re getting by sitting back and letting the guy make the moves then by all means keep doing what’s working, but if you’re not you should understand that asking out a guy is a valid option. Also, don’t get one or two rejections and decide asking guys out doesn’t work. A guy can’t do the same and then decide asking girls out doesn’t work.

2. Don’t ever think that most guys are just interested in casual sex and there’s a shortage of guys interested in relationships. Many women get this misconception because they only consider the guys who can effortlessly approach and seduce them at bars, when it’s more likely to be your shy friend who’s afraid to ask you out who’s interested in a relationship. It’s fine if you don’t find them attractive, but don’t think guys interested in a relationship are rare.

3. If you find yourself dating a lot of guys who turn out to be assholes, don’t ask yourself why assholes are attracted to you but instead ask yourself why you’re attracted to assholes.

4. It’s perfectly fine to have casual sex if you want, but you can never think that you can use sex to get a guy to want a relationship if he doesn’t want one. If you’re going to get hurt if the casual sex doesn’t turn into something more, you probably shouldn’t be having it.

5. Men are humans too.

Men are people who have the same feelings and emotions as you do. We’re just less likely to show our emotions. A lot of women are baffled by this, thinking “just open up! I like it when guys open up with their emotions!”, but it can be tricky to do as a man. Tons of guys have experiences doing so and finding that the woman’s lost her interest, because when a large part of your sexual attractiveness comes from your strength and confidence, exposing the fact that you’re not as strong and confident as she thought can certainly have a bad effect if done improperly.

6. How unhappy hook ups begin.

If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, having sex with him will not change his mind.

7. If you have to settle…

A great piece of advice is that if you have to settle, settle on someone who’s less attractive than you’d prefer. Never settle on someone who treats you as someone below them, and this applies to both men and women.

8. Talk is cheap.

His actions speak louder than his words. If he treats you badly, no amount of “I love you”s should make a difference.

9. Men aren’t gifted with ESP.

You have to make your expectations clear. Few things are more frustrating than a partner who is feeling angry or unfulfilled because their SO didn’t do something that was only hinted at in a roundabout manner.

10. Learn how to be emotionally intelligent.

Tell me what you want, not what’s wrong.

In other words, develop what could be termed emotional intelligence: that ability to identify, assess, and be the commander of ones emotions. In my experience, it is 10 times more important than IQ and looks.

I don’t mind strong emotion. I just have no patience any more for blame, accusations, or “stacking” (bringing up the past), or being expected to be a mind reader.

Tell me what you want, not what’s wrong. You’ll be amazed at how responsive I’ll be and get you want you want.

Just. Stop. Complaining.

11. Don’t let anger make you treat him badly.

The best relationship advice I ever got was: Never treat your s/o worse than you would a complete stranger. If you care enough about how a stranger perceives you to alter your words or actions, then you should care much more about your s/o’s opinion and adjust accordingly.

12. Communicate.

Talk. Talk about how you feel. Talk about what you want. Talk about what he wants. Talk about everything.

If you keep the lines of discussion open and honest, then there will never be nasty surprises.

13. Don’t have a big ego.

You are not a precious flower that a man is tasked with fostering. Be accountable for continually growing and try to be the best version of you that you can be. Alternately, it is not your job to take care of a man. You are both adults who choose to be together. This should mean that you each bring something valuable to the table (many things really). Your relationship should beneficial to both parties.

Be friends. If you can’t talk about everything and work through difficulties as friends, you stand no chance of making it as a couple.

14. Don’t expect a man to be your everything.

dont treat your boyfriend like he is God. Meaning, dont act like he has all the answers to your life and then get mad when he doesnt.

15. Don’t read too much into e-communications.

Lastly, our texts or internet IM’s are terrible indicators of expression. A lot of people resort to “lol” and emoticons as a way to lesson the tension of our words because they can come off as being insensitive or mean. Please don’t assume we are angry through are words. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Erin Cossetta

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