I’m Giving Myself The Love I Deserve

For my entire life, I didn’t pay much attention to the specific parts of myself; I only had one thing, one goal, in mind: perfection.

I wanted to be the smartest and the most successful and the cutest and the funniest and the most interesting and the best friend and have the quickest wit and best style and blah and blah and blah.

I was constantly looking for all the -est qualities of myself through other people. I was so focused on my role in everyone else’s life and what they thought of me, I didn’t really give myself a chance to truly reflect on myself. Until recently.

And I realized something: I am SO not perfect, not even close. But with that realization, I finally learned how to love myself the right way.

Sometimes I’m too loud.

I joke too much.

Other times, I can be a total drama queen.

I can be too sensitive.

I try to advise the hell out of everyone’s problems.

My opinions are stark and in-your-face.

I talk so much.

I can be whiny.

I am self-pitying.

To name a few imperfections.

But that’s okay, because I will never be perfect; I will always be me.

Me, who greets you with a full-dimpled smile.

Me, who adds way too much detail to a story.

Me, who gives you their full attention when you need it.

Me, who plans a full outfit to run to Drug Mart.

Me, who constantly picks up habits from stand-up comedians I watch.

Me, who gushes about every cute guy I run into.

Me, who is a ridiculous control freak about my planner.

Me, who makes you watch Saturday Night Live sketches constantly.

Me, who passionately rants about gender inequality.

Me, who is going to make a new friend by the end of the day.

Me, who remembers that exact quote from that exact scene from that exact movie.

Me, who wants to fill the silence with conversation.

It took me a while, but I finally decided that I wanted to get to know myself. I learned that I am more than deserving of great, true, real love. But instead of waiting around for someone else to give it to me, I gave it to myself.

I love my big heart and the character voices I do and my life wisdom and my deep intelligence and my loud voice and my “I’M HEEEERE!” personality and my big dreams and my confidence.

For so long, I sat around and waited, longed, for someone to love these things about me. I got sick of waiting, so I decided I was going to love those things myself.